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But it’s happening less and less, so I’m going to call that progress. If I still had all my notebooks I'd know the exact difference, but it wouldn’t change anything.
There would still be people who thought I should be fine and people who thought I should be a sniveling mess.
It’s impossible to please the world. All I can do is live the kind of life that makes me happy.
Makes me proud of who I am.
I turn to where Julian follows behind me with our load. “What all do you need today, Miss Ruby?”
She squints out at me, her gaze shifting to Andre before coming back my way as I hold out the food pack we bundle up each week to pass out to the people who help us. “You got any socks?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I pull out the options and hold them up for her. “Tall or short?”
She reaches around the cart blocking the opening of her little home and snatches one of the packs away. “Tall.”
I know Andre did as much as he could to take care of these people, but before he was limited to what he could provide without compromising their safety. If Frederick knew these people were spying for him he would have…
I can’t even consider it.
“What about toothpaste?” Ruby isn’t shy and that makes my job easier.
“You want a whole toiletries pack?” I pass over a plastic bag containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, wipes, and a washcloth.
“Yup.” Ruby grabs it away and adds it to her pile before scooting her cart to one side. “What else you got in there?”
I back up, making room for her to come out. She only hesitates a second before hobbling out into the sunlight, spine stooped as she eyes the small flat-bed cart we use for these weekly excursions.
Ruby spends a significant amount of time looking through all we have and picking out nearly one of everything. She tucks the supplies inside before pulling her cart back into place, the wind chime dangling from the handle swinging as she jostles it around.
Andre slides one finger across the rusting pipes. “Your doorbell has seen better days.”
“So? Still works.” She rocks the cart to prove her point.
I can’t help but smile.
I like this lady. She’s snappy and snarky and completely unafraid of the man at my side.
Which gives me hope that maybe she won’t be as stubborn as Barney is. “Would you ever want to stay in a room instead of out here?”
I convinced Andre to close in the unused corners of his warehouses for anyone who might want a place out of the elements, and while Barney has yet to take me up on the offer, I’m thinking Ruby might be a little more willing to consider it. She’s old and it’s obvious she can’t see well.
Ruby’s cloudy eyes narrow on me. “I ain’t got any money.”
It’s not a no.
“You don’t need money.” I’ve been trying to convince someone from the army of eyes Andre has scattered around the streets to move into one of the rooms, but so far I’ve struck out over and over. “It would be helpful for us to have someone there to keep an eye on things.”
Her gaze moves from me to Andre and then back again. “I’ll think about it.”
It’s not a yes, but it’s better than being shot down immediately, which is what usually happens, so I give her a smile, hoping it might help sway her decision.
I couldn’t save my mother, and it eats at me. Pushes me out here every week in the hopes that maybe I can save someone else.
Or at least make their life a little better. A little easier.
A little happier.
Andre slides his hand into mine and pulls me close to his side as we slowly make our way back out to the street. He leans in to press a kiss to the side of my head. “You have a soft heart, dusha moya.”
