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‘Oh?’

‘I’ve inherited my grandfather’s share of this shop.’

‘That’s old sentimental Nano for you.’

‘I wanted to have a chat with you, if it’s convenient?’

And that’s when I spot her – a completely naked woman sitting in the semi-darkness at the back of the shop.

‘Oh!’ I exclaim and turn to run as my ears catch fire.

But I’ve forgotten about the low door and bang my head, staggering back helplessly, grasping the air for purchase. Finding none, I crash to the floor in a doubly humiliated heap.

‘Jesus! You alright?’ he calls as he lurches forwards to drag me to my feet again.

‘I’m… I’m… f-fine,’ I manage as the entire hole in the wall expands and contracts, going through a myriad of colours.

This is what Samuel Taylor Coleridge must have seen while writing about the lavish palace Xanadu. Only there was no pleasure in my pleasure dome. Just unadulterated, throbbing pain. And, oh – did I mention the humiliation?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the naked woman coming my way and I cringe. Why does she have to flaunt her sexuality like that in a public space? What about the prudes like me?

‘Here,’ she whispers, giving him a cold cloth, which he applies to my head while he gently nudges me down onto a chair.

Now standing in the only ray of light in the room, I see she’s put on a wrap and is leaning towards me, mirroring Jago’s stance. Before me are four quivering rainbow-coloured heads.

‘Better?’ asks one of Jago’s heads.

‘That was quite a bump,’ says one of the woman’s heads.

‘I’m s-sorry, I must have the wrong place…’ I stammer.

Jago pulls a wad of pound notes out of his pocket. ‘Here, Sally, see you tomorrow.’

Sally pushes his hand away with a smile. ‘It’s on me, hun. See you tomorrow.’ And with that, she slips into her dress, coat and boots and heads for the door.

‘Hope you feel better,’ she says to me as I try to pin down her image from flipping upside down in a topsy-turvy movement. I must have really banged it good.

‘And don’t wear a bra next time,’ he calls after her.

At the door, she turns and smiles a naughty smile. ‘Anything for you, Jago…’

Are they really having this conversation in front of me? Seriously? I can’t stand here in this madhouse-cum-brothel a moment longer. I struggle to my feet.

‘Where are you going? You can barely stand,’ he protests.

‘I’ll come back to inspect the premises another time,’ I assure as I fight to walk steadily past the swaying walls. ‘And I’ll be looking at the accounts.’

And with that, I head out back onto the street on wobbly legs. How am I even going to make it across the street?

‘I have nothing to hide,’ he calls after me.

I turn, bracing my hand against the wall. ‘Nor does your friend,’ I shoot over my shoulder as everything begins to spin.

‘Aww, c’mon, Emmie. Get back here, will you? You don’t want our business to start off on the wrong foot, do you? Besides, you can’t even stand.’

That much is true. I’ve got up too soon.

Jago covers the distance between us, taking my elbow.

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