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Chapter Thirty
Evelina’s breath caught. The world spun around her. She felt Thomas’ strong fingers pressing into her forearms, a fierce, grounding presence.
“What did you say?” Evelina managed.
“I said, run away with me.” There was a fervor in Thomas’ voice she’d scarcely heard before from anyone. “Let us leave all of this behind us. Forget your father. Whether he approves of our union or not; whether he is behind the death of my own Father or not—”
“Stop,” said Evelina, pulling away. Her heart was beating in her throat. She needed a moment to think, to breath.
Thomas reached his hand out for hers once more. “Evelina—”
She pulled her hands together at her mid-section, refusing to make contact. More than ever before, her body longed for Thomas. Here he was, offering the escape route she’d always dreamed of. A way out of London, a way to make her own choices, build her own life. Yet…
She also thought of Diana’s careful, yet buoyant, concern. Mother’s excitement over being included in Evelina’s transition into womanhood. Father’s brusque, misguided attempts to do right by their family, even if he did not fully understand Evelina’s desire for individuality.
“I could never leave my family,” she said, and as the pronouncement left her mouth, she knew without a doubt it was true.
Yes, Evelina longed for independence. Yes, she was no fan of the social conventions of London’s high society.
But they were her parents. Her sister. They meant to do right by her, even if they did not always go about it the best way. Evelina still wanted to be with Thomas—she still did not want to marry Jerome—but it could not be like this.
Thomas’ voice came out far flatter than she was expecting. “Your Father attempted to do away with me.”
Evelina whirled around, aghast at Thomas’ boldness. “You said yourself there is no proof of that, just a high level of coincidence.”
“Do you truly not even suspect?” Thomas looked angry, but also pained. There were tears gathering at the edges of his eyes.
Evelina was unswayed. In fact, she felt angrier now than she had earlier, when Thomas had first aired his fears and suspicions of Evelina’s father’s involvement in his attack. “You saw the ledger! Just now! Our families did good business together; someone is lying to someone here.”
“And how am I to be certain that person is not your Father?”
The words were like a slap to Evelina’s face. She took an involuntary step back, something deep inside stinging fiercely.
Almost immediately, Thomas’ face went slack with shock at his own words. “Lady Evelina—I am so sorry—I did not mean to say that.”
Evelina’s own eyes began to itch. She blinked several times in quick succession, turning away. “That’s even worse. If you did not mean to say such a cruel thing, it can only mean that it is the feeling you were harboring somewhere deep inside, demanding to make itself known.”
“I take it back. Of course, I trust you.”
Evelina turned back around and leveled Thomas with a scrutinizing gaze. “Do you? Truly?”
Thomas opened his mouth…then closed it.
That was all the answer Evelina needed. She thought of the letters they’d exchanged. The risks she’d taken, sneaking out to meet Thomas at night. Lying to her parents about her intentions with Jerome. All for the sake of this relationship, in which it turned out nothing had truly been promised at all.
“If you cannot trust that I am honest with you, especially in a matter of such high stakes, perhaps we are not the right match for one another after all,” said Evelina.
Before Thomas could respond, she picked up the ledger from where she’d left it lying on the steps, and fled back to the home of her parents.
“Evelina—wait!” Thomas called after her.
But now that she was running, she did not dare stop and face him again, not when such chaotic, traitorous emotions threatened to spill out, uncontrolled. The gardens seemed darker than they had earlier, though the moon was now even higher in the sky. Instead of fresh, the air felt cloying, and smelled of dying leaves.
When she reached the back door, Evelina swallowed her tears and pushed it open. Miraculously, it didn’t squeak this time, though Evelina hardly cared about getting caught anymore. The worst-case scenario had already unfolded.
She made her way through the back hallway.
She reached the bottom of the stairs.
