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Chapter Forty-Four
Evelina, dressed in the baby-pink gown that had taken all that effort to commission, finished her first dance with Jerome at the engagement ball. His hands were sweaty in her own, his lips dry when he kissed the back of her hand to thank her for the dance.
She smiled thinly in response, hoping to make some excuse to disappear and find something to eat or drink. “My Lord, I—”
“Of course, you may have the next dance,” said Jerome, cutting her off as the music of the next song began.
Evelina wilted, but gave herself over to Jerome once more. The tune was a droll, ugly thing, certainly not the sort of celebratory fare one would expect for a ball…but perhaps that was just her own mood casting a damper on things.
That was belittling the matter, though. As Jerome swung Evelina around once more, her home, at once familiar and completely foreign, blurred. Her head spun, her heart ached, and she felt sick, absolutely sick with the knowledge that Thomas had wanted her back, and she’d sent him away.
Is duty to your family truly the be-all and end-all for you?Evelina asked herself in the midst of fighting back her nausea.This, tonight, is the time for you to choose who you truly wish to be in this life.
Yet as this second, even clumsier dance ground to a close, Evelina knew better than to begin questioning herself too deeply once more. Doing so had already brought her more than enough pain.
Jerome seemed to be on the verge of asking for yet another dance—which certainly would have sealed their intentions even before Father’s official announcement and toast, which would take place later in the evening—but then a regally dressed, aging couple intervened.
“Ah, Father! Mother!” said Jerome, practically yanking Evelina to his side to avoid allowing her to get swept away by the dancers beginning the next song. “May I introduce Lady Evelina Talbot? Lady Evelina, these are my parents, the Duke and Duchess of Newhey.”
Evelina smiled as best as she could, but her jaw felt weak, and her curtsy imbalanced. Suddenly, she was absolutelycertainshe was going to be sick.
“P…pardon me,” she managed, after righting herself. “I must…I will be right back.”
With that, Evelina fled from the room, propriety tossed aside for the sake of avoiding absolute humiliation. She made it as far as the closest door to the servants’ quarters before her stomach clenched, and she found herself swallowing back bile. She gratefully slipped inside the dark little hallway, head spinning as she leaned back against the wall, desperately trying to quell her nausea now that she had a moment of privacy.
“My Lady? My Lady, are you quite all right?” It was Matilda, just outside the door.
Hand shaking, Evelina felt around for the doorknob and pressed it open so that Matilda might join her. She could think of no one else, save Diana, who would be welcome in this vulnerable moment. More so, she prayed desperately that her mother and father would remain occupied socializing with the members of thetonnearer to their own age and fail to notice her absence for at least a small spell.
It was harder to slip away than usual, when one was the reluctant guest of honor.
“My Lady,” said Matilda, sadness in her voice when she saw the state Evelina was in. She pressed a cool hand to Evelina’s forehead, feeling for a fever.
Evelina shook her off gently. She knew she wasn’t sick in a feverish sense. “I don’t know how I am going to go through with this,” she admitted, voice quiet and shrill. “I just met his parents. Hisparents. And Thomas is…” she couldn’t finish that last bit. “It suddenly feels so real. I thought I could do this, and now, I just, I don’t…”
“Lady Evelina.Evelina.” Matilda risked gripping her forearms to try and ground her. “It’s going to be all right. Let’s take a moment here to regroup. Yes?”
Evelina nodded weakly.
The two women stood there in the dark, together, with Matilda talking to Evelina about anything and everything that didn’t have to do with suitors or engagements or balls. Evelina didn’t really process much of it at all, still trying to breathe her way through her slowly dwindling panic.
“Are you beginning to feel better?” Matilda asked after some time.
“Y…yes,” Evelina admitted. “I think so.”
“Are you ready to go back?”
“No.” Evelina pressed herself away from the wall, the interior of her dress slick with sweat. What a miserable night. “But I suppose I must.”
Matilda nodded somberly, a silent acknowledgement passing between them regarding the supposed inevitability of the situation. This was an engagement ball. One did not simply abandon their own engagement ball.
The lights felt far brighter when Evelina stepped back out into the fray of the party once more, Matilda close behind her. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice Evelina’s re-entry, and Jerome seemed to have become occupied talking to some other gentlemen near his age.
It was perhaps silly, given her own feelings toward her betrothed, but Evelina couldn’t help but smart a little at the fact that he hadn’t come running after her when she fell ill.
“I am going to fetch some refreshments,” Evelina said, forcing a note of commitment into her voice.
Matilda caught her before she could go. “Are you sure that is wise for your stomach?”
