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“Then why not ask for appraisals from Mrs. Whittaker, instead of hiding in the shadows, spying on her like a peeping Tom?” Hudson folded his hands behind his back, walking like the regimental soldier he had once been. “There would be no shame in feeling affection for Miss Parker. She is quite lovely, and it is due time that you found yourself entranced by a young lady again.”
Dorian bit the inside of his cheek. “I will not repeat myself again, Hudson.” He could not remember a time when they had spoken of anything but Miss Parker and all the feelings that Hudson believed Dorian held for her. No matter how much he tried to protest, it only served to make Hudson more determined to get him to relent.
I will not fall for a woman again. I will not put anyone through the misfortune I seem to invite, regardless of how fearlessly they hold my gaze or how enchanting they look when they crouch to stroke one of my cats in the courtyard and do not know that I see their fond smile.Mrs. Linehan had scolded Rose that day when she had stroked the silken fur of his Persian Blue, whom he called Bluebelle.
“Goodness no, Rose—they’re not to be petted by the likes of us. They’re just for His Lordship!” she had cried, positively tackling Rose in order to prevent her. Dorian had wanted to step out and insist that Rose could caress the cat if she desired, but restraint had held him back.
Hudson sighed. “Very well. I will not mention it again.” He flashed a grin. “At least, not this day. Tomorrow, if I happen to catch you peeping again, I will have to continue in my endeavor to see you satisfied once more in the arms of a comely and charming maiden.”
I will never be satisfied again. Succumbing to temptation is what tore out my heart in the first place, and it cannot be restored by another.And yet, as he turned back to look at the courtyard entrance and found it devoid of Rose, he could not deny the disappointment in his chest. Seeing her was the only time when he felt less restive.
“Perhaps, I need a change of scenery,” he announced as they walked the rest of the way to the menagerie. Already, he heard his collection of birds chirping merrily, singing their sweet songs into the heavy summer air.
Dorian knew precisely the place that would help to take his mind off Rose Parker and the disturbance she had set upon him and his household since he had taken her in. A place that brought him as close to life’s conclusion as it was possible to go without actually snuffing out one’s existence. Far better than any bridge, or any brawl, or any grimy thief in an alleyway.
“I should like to visit Skelton Bay. It has been a long while since I have visited, and I feel as though I should enjoy the sea air. We might stay the night or, perhaps, leave early and return in the evening. What do you say?”
Skelton Bay was a beautiful cove on the South coast, about five hours’ ride from Langston House. And above it rose the most perilously steep cliffs in all of England, where one could stand atop the rocky promontories and open out one’s arms and feel as if they might fly or fall on the whim of the sea breeze. It was also the place where he had decided to go to war, for he had not had the courage to step out into the nothingness and let the rocks beneath cradle his broken corpse.
That is where I knew that I was not supposed to die… but endure instead.Every time he went there, he came away with a sense of renewed purpose that his time on Earth was his penance for all those who had been lost to the Reaper or to the cold hand of shame because of him. He knew that that was the only place where he would be able to gather his thoughts about Rose and set them to one side, for he was not destined for joy, or the love of any woman, ever again.
“When should we go, Captain? I think Skelton Bay would be exceedingly pleasant with the summer being as obnoxiously hot as it is.” Hudson fanned himself as if to prove the point.
Dorian closed his fingertips around the door handle to the menagerie. “Let us go the day after tomorrow. Might you speak with Mrs. Whittaker about preparations for sustenance and whatnot?”
“Why, are you afraid you might see Miss Parker if you venture into the kitchens again? The maids and cooks are still in a fluster from this morning. You would think the devil himself had entered, asking for a lemon tart.”
Dorian smiled tightly. “I am not afraid, Hudson, but I would not frighten anyone again today. The devil, as you say, has grown tired of the panic that is caused whenever I enter a room.”
Yet Rose does not look at me that way… So what am I to her? A devil in disguise, a wolf in sheep’s clothing… or worse, does she think me her savior?If that was the case, that could not come to any good for either of them.
* * *
But Dorian did not know that he was not the only one who had been watching from the shadows. If he had, he might have understood why the dogs barked wildly and the cats arched in alarm, hissing between needled teeth. He might have understood that the birds did not sing prettily from the swell of summer’s warmth, but that they sang in warning of danger within the grounds of Langston House.
The man in his dark cloak was far stealthier than the master of the house, for he knew that he could not risk being caught. These were not his lands to lord over as he pleased, nor could he simply take what he pleased as the master did, with no thought for how it might affect others. The man stuck to the evening where he could, creeping into the gardens and watching the windows for any sign of his quarry, but he occasionally dared to watch in the daylight from a secluded copse of trees that edged nearer to the house.
I will take back what belongs to me, you can be certain of that.
