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Dorian bowed his head. “You would blame me for that, too? Will you take no responsibility for your own wrongdoings?”
“If you had not seduced her and then abandoned her, she would not be dead. That is all I need to know.” Rufus glowered at him, while Rose was left reeling.
He never said a word… All that grief, all that misery, all that heartbreak, and he never said a word. He never told me she was dead.She did not know whether to be appalled or sorrowful, for how were they supposed to be in love with one another, when there were such vast secrets between them? No matter what guilt he felt, she would have hoped that he would trust in her enough to tell her something of that magnitude. And so she stood, frozen in place, tears brimming in her eyes for Dorian, for Lana, and for the brother who had lost his sister. As far as she was concerned, there were no winners here.
“I will kill you where you stand if you do not leave here immediately!” Dorian rasped, visibly overcome with bitter sadness.
Rufus smiled. “I will leave as soon as I have erased your reason to live, as you erased mine.”
Everything seemed to slow as Rufus turned the pistol on Rose and squeezed the trigger. Her mind went blank as she stared into the barrel, hearing that fatal bang. Indeed, she was only vaguely aware of a blur streaking in front of her until she realized that it was Dorian. His arms wrapped around her like a human shield, his back facing the pistol’s shot.
“Dorian?” she whispered, disoriented. His body jolted strangely against her, and she understood, with a sinking dread in her stomach, that the shot had struck a target. Not her, but him. He had taken the impact intended to kill her. Instantly, her arms slipped around him, holding him close as he staggered forward with her still in his embrace.
“Dorian!” she cried, slowly dropping to her knees and bringing him with her, though her muscles burned under the weight of him. She cradled him in her lap, and when she went to touch his face with a shaky hand, she screamed as a smear of red cut across his skin like a wound. “Dorian! Dorian, stay with me!” But his eyes were closed, his body limp, and she did not know how to wake him again.
Immobilized with grief, she could only focus on Dorian as Hudson and a band of footmen and valets charged Rufus. They dragged him down to the ground and managed to tie him up with an array of belts and neckerchiefs. She barely noticed as they hauled Rufus away, where they would likely hold him somewhere safe until the constables could be called.
“Dorian?” she whispered, shaking him gently. “Please, my love, open your eyes. We’ve still got so much to do. You can’t leave me now, Dorian… Please, you have to open your eyes.”
But he would not. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she shook him more vigorously, desperate to get a sound of reassurance out of him. Her chest hurt as though she were the one who had been shot as if the blood on her hands was her own, and the hole in his back was hers.
“Help! Please, someone help!” she howled, her voice rising like a banshee through the chapel.
Hudson came running, with a few strong-looking men from the staff. “We are here, Rose. We have him now. The physician will be sent for, and we will make sure that he survives. I have seen him endure worse than this, Rose, I promise you.” He helped her to her feet as the other men rushed to pick Dorian up, a trio of them carrying him out of the chapel and presumably back toward the house.
“Is he… going to die?” Rose breathed, unable to move.
Hudson looped his arm through hers and led her in the same direction as Dorian. “Not if I can help it, Rose. Not if I can help it.”
I’ll forgive everything if you can just live. Please, my love, you have to live…She sent up a silent prayer of desperation, for if the heavens would not listen while she was in the house of God, then when else would they?
* * *
After hours of waiting for the physician to extract the pistol shot, Rose no longer knew what to do with herself. She had tried to take a walk in the gardens, she had tried to find solace in Bluebelle, she had tried to pace in the library and the drawing-room, and she had even tried to sip some of Hudson’s brandy, but nothing helped. She just kept repeating the incident, over and over, in her mind, unable to think of anything else. The only thing that would calm her, now, was to hear that Dorian would survive.
“There you are.” Rose turned to find Hudson entering the drawing-room, where she had been gradually working her way through half a glass of brandy. However, she simply could not get past how much she hated the taste, regardless of the dire situation and the oblivion she so dearly desired.
“Is he awake?” She clutched the glass tighter.
Hudson shook his head and came to sit opposite her. “The physician is hopeful that he managed to get all of the shot and that Dorian will recover, but he was given a great deal of laudanum, so it may be some time before he awakens.”
“Has he truly been through worse than this, or were you just saying that to console me?” Rose tried another sip, her face wrinkling up at the acrid taste and the burning sensation in the back of her throat.
“He has been through far worse, I assure you.” Hudson poured himself a glass and took a deep drink. “However, I did not come to find you to speak only of how Dorian is faring. I also wanted to speak with you about the things that Rufus said in the chapel. You see, I knew Dorian back then, and I know what occurred. Rufus twisted the truth somewhat, just as Dorian claimed.”
Rose peered over the lip of her glass. “What really happened, then?”
“This may be painful for you to hear, considering your relationship with Dorian, but… he did not seduce Lana against her will. It was a mutual decision, born of youthful exuberance and passion.” Hudson sighed. “I suppose they were too young for love, in truth, and got somewhat carried away in their fervor for one another. Just once, I might add. He has never done so again.”
“If I had known she died, I might’ve better understood his fears about involving me in his life,” she said, swirling the bronzed liquid around. “He loved her, he loved his mother, he loved his father, and he must have loved his infant sister. Yet, they all died. Of course, he would think that he kills what he loves, even if, in reality, he knows that’s not true.”
Hudson nodded. “Honestly, it is the first time I have heard him hold someone else partially responsible for what happened to Lana. That must have been building up inside him for years: the knowledge that, while he lit the spark by… you know… it was mostly her family who stoked the fire that eventually consumed her.”
“Was he really so awful, back then?” Rose set the glass down and sank back into the settee.
“I am afraid that my terrible reputation marred his, by proxy,” Hudson admitted. “He enjoyed a drink and partook in gambling, but, as for the whoring he was accused of, he never involved himself in that. He just accompanied me to the bawdy houses and would sit on his own in the corner, looking thoroughly uncomfortable. I suppose very little has changed in that regard.”
Rose took a shaky breath. “Did he really abandon Lana, as Rufus said he did?” That was the part she was still struggling to come to terms with.
