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Chapter Twenty-Nine
True to her word, Rose did not leave Dorian’s bedside for five days and five nights, as she waited for him to wake up from what the physician described as a “fevered delirium,” that had required copious drops of laudanum and various other tonics and medicines to help remedy.
He had tossed and turned from sunrise to sunset, his skin pale while his lips and cheeks were a livid shade of red, his bedclothes soaked through with sweat. As for the wound, the physician had warned Rose and Hudson that there might be a risk of infection, as the pistol shot had not managed to tear straight through to the other side, and he could not be sure that he had extracted every fragment of the ball.
A few times, she thought she had heard him call out her name, but she had not slept much and knew she might have imagined it. Still, she lived in the hope that his flickering eyelids would open, so they might resume the shared existence that Rufus had interrupted.
“Have you heard from the magistrate?” Rose asked, on the sixth morning at Dorian’s bedside. Hudson had just come in to see how she was doing, bearing a breakfast tray.
Hudson groaned as he sank down into a vacant armchair. “The rider came not fifteen minutes ago,” he replied. “Rufus has been sentenced to transportation for attempted murder. We will not be seeing him again, that much is certain.”
“I’m pleased to hear it, although… does it make me a terrible person if I can understand why he wanted revenge?” Rose had been warring with the conflict in her mind, since the chapel.
“Not at all.” Hudson passed a fresh cup of tea to her. “He did what I imagine any troubled soul would do if they could not accept their own guilt in such matters. He longed to have a scapegoat, whom he could pin the blame on entirely, so he would not have to face his own shortcomings.”
Rose took a tentative sip, almost burning her tongue. “But why did he wait so long, I wonder?”
“He waited until Dorian was happy again,” Hudson replied, without hesitation. “He has likely been watching him for all these years, or at least since we came back from the war, and when he saw that Dorian was falling in love, he chose his moment to hit Dorian when the blow would have the hardest impact.”
“You reallydotalk a lot of sense.” Rose smiled at him. “I suppose Rufus hoped that Dorian’s heart might be broken if I left him after being frightened away, but when that did not happen, he became more desperate to enact that final blow.”
Hudson clicked his tongue. “Precisely. You speak a great deal of sense yourself, Countess.”
“I’m not a Countess yet,” she corrected him, her heart heavy as she returned her attention to her beloved. He mumbled deliriously, though he looked less feverish than he had done in recent days, and he did not seem to be drenching his sheets in perspiration quite as much. She prayed that it was a good sign.
“Ah, why split hairs?” Hudson waved a hand. “You are as good as, in my opinion.”
Though silver linings were hard to find in such terrible circumstances, Rose was glad of one thing; her friendship with Hudson had gone from strength to strength in the long days and nights they had spent in one another’s company, watching over Dorian in his darkest hour. Secretly, she had also thought he might be a bad influence upon her future husband, but this time with him had confirmed that he was a better man than he gave himself credit for, especially when it came to his “Captain.”
“Am I in…Hell?” Dorian croaked, his eyes fluttering open slightly. “Has my… bride run off… with my best friend?”
Rose gasped. “Dorian! You’re awake!” She glanced at Hudson. “He’s awake!”
“I can see that.” Hudson chuckled, rising to his feet. “I will have one of the footmen send for the physician again, though undoubtedly they are sick of the journey.” He stepped forward to take Dorian’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “Do not even dream of sinking back into unconsciousness, or I may very well have to run off with your bride. Let that be a warning to you. You stay exactly where you are, in the land of the living, or I shall be exceedingly furious. I cannot endure another scare from you.”
Dorian managed a weak smile. “It is good to see you again, too.”
“Indeed, Captain. Indeed.” With a fond smile, Hudson left Rose and Dorian alone.
“I was so worried.” Rose got out of her chair and went to sit beside Dorian, perching herself on the edge of the bed. She took her hand in his and kissed it desperately. “Don’t ever do that to me again. I thought I would lose you, and I… didn’t know what I was going to do. I can’t be without you, Dorian. I love you, and I’m never leaving your side or letting you jump in front of a pistol shot again.”
He blinked up at her. “You will not have to worry about any of that again, my doe.” He drew in a strained breath. “What happened in the chapel…It was a sign that I should never love again. You might have died, and—”
She pressed a fingertip to his lips. “If you think I have stayed at your bedside for five days and five nights only to be told that you’re sending me away, then you are sorely mistaken.” She smiled down at him. “That was not a sign that you should never love again. That was a sign that all of this business from your past is over. After all, you got hurt trying to protect me. If you were truly being punished forever, the pistol shot would’ve missed you and killed me, or gone through you and killed me, wouldn’t it? Yet here I am, alive and well, praying that you will put those ghosts in the past and look forward.”
He swallowed thickly. “I had not thought of it that way.”
“You’ve also neglected to think of Hudson, who’s been beside you all these years and has never succumbed to any curse.” Rose pointed out. “I understand why you’ve blamed yourself for so long. How could you not, when you lost the woman you loved? But you weren’t responsible for Lana’s death.”
He sighed. “How can that be?”
“You said it yourself in the chapel—there were many parties involved in her fate,” she explained. “It is tragic, that’s true, but you didn’t kill her. You were young, and you made a mistake, but it was those who were older and should have been wiser who made her situation unbearable. It was not you. You thought you were doing the right thing by letting her go, but you would not be doing the right thing if you were to let me go.”
Tears glittered in his eyes. “How can you still want to be with me, after everything you have heard?”
“Because I know you, Dorian. I know you are a good man, and I do not intend to leave your side, ever again.” She smoothed damp tendrils of hair out of his face. “I love you, Dorian. I love you, and I forgive you, and I’m not letting you go.”
He smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek. “You truly are my blessing, are you not?”
“You know what, my love, I think we are each other’s blessing.” She leaned down and kissed his lips, grateful to be able to do so once more. For though she had pretended to be strong and had never let her hope for his survival waver, she truly did not know what she would have done if he had not made it. He was the only good thing she had found in her life since her mother passed.
But now, perhaps, they would have a chance of building a life together, free of the shadows that had plagued them both for so many years. Perhaps, besides one another, their light would be enough to chase away even the most pervasive darkness, creating a place where ghosts and curses and hardships simply could not exist.
