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“When we met, I was angry,” Isaac said. “I still held onto resentment and pain from her callus betrayal, and I carried it with me farther than I had realized. Seeing her stirred up those emotions inside me.I never prepared for such an onslaught of emotions and—” he raked a hand through his hair, “—with you near me, with me, I realized that I was missing something crucial. I—”
“I know, Isaac,” Louisa sounded heartbroken.“I know.”
When he realized what he had said, andhowhe had said it, Isaac’s chest closed in on his heart. It had not sounded as if he wanted nothing to do with Helena—it sounded as if he did want a connection with her. And for Louisa—the woman he did love—to hear that, ithad to be cutting.
Before he could put the words together,Louisa stood in the faint haze of dusk’s light. “Good night, Isaac.”
She left for the house and left him alone with the pup that was pawing at his knees. Louisa had said good night…but why did it feel like she was saying goodbye?
***
Half-insensate to the walls around her, Louisa knew that she could not stay another day at the Montagu house and not fall into pieces. Woodenly, she moved to her rooms,changed out into her night's clothes, and slipped into bed. The notion of eating her evening meal was wholly forgotten. When it did occur to her later in that sleepless night, Louisa knew she would not have managed to eat anything anyway with how upset she was.
Isaac still loves her, I know it—he just said as much. I cannot live here in peace knowing that the man I love, still loves another.
Waking the next morning, Louisa felt an emptiness inside her soul. How could she face Isaac knowing what had passed between them last night? She washed and dressed stiffly and tied a clean apron on with little enthusiasm.
She got to the kitchen with Lucy and, after greeting each other, started the work and preparing the room for the morning meal. Mrs. Wickham came in; her dark dress and her hair's severe knot mirrored her usual graven face.
“His Grace is away this morning,” she said while taking out her keys to open the tea cabinet. “You need not prepare for him now.”
Relief washed through her in waves, but Louisa made sure not to show it. With an understanding nod, and verbal consent, she moved from the kitchen to clean the rooms assigned to her that day. Tryas she might to avoid it, the conversation between her and Isaac popped up at the worst times. A few of those had her pausing in her movement and biting back a cry.
She pulled away from the cleaned table and drifted to the window to gaze out at the backlands and the many gardeners clipping, raking fallen leaves, and setting the verdant lawns and bushes in order. All of them oblivious to what was going on inside the manor.
Her gaze lifted to the tree-line and to what she knew were the estates and the town behind it. Apart from this house, she had nowhere to go, but Louisa feared what would happen if she stayed in the manor for much more.
I may have to leave.
The suggestion settled into her stomach and churned it. But was it worth it to stay and survive heartbreak over and over again with every time Isaac so much as glanced her way? What about the mornings when she carried his meal to him? And the evenings when she found herself in his mother’s garden? Did a roof over her head fitcompensation for heartbreak?
Turning away, Louisa picked up her things and left for another room. She would mull over the idea a little more, but Louisa was mostly sure that she would leave. Isaac did not need her there, what with his affection for Miss Follet.
Looking around at the luxurious home, she sighed, “It is not worth it.”
