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Matilda took her seat at the table and tried to wear a lighthearted face. Her logic was that if she could bring a good mood to the table, then maybe it would rub off on her parents, and she could somehow get in across to them that her heart belonged to someone other than Charles. It felt like some sort of steep mountain to climb.
“We’ve had such lovely weather, mother, have you seen?” Matilda asked while unfolding her napkin. “Perhaps we can take a phaeton ride together one of these days.”
Her father shot her a look of bewilderment as Catherine cut into her meat, never giving Matilda eye contact. “I do not care for horses when it comes to recreation. They were put on this earth to get us from one place to another. That is all.”
Matilda and her father shared a glance, and the Earl almost looked sorry for his daughter.
“Very well.” Matilda forced out. “Perhaps we could take a walk then?”
Catherine let her fork and knife ding on the plate while giving her daughter a curious gaze. “What is it that you are angling? The sudden change in demeanour, I was not born yesterday.”
Matilda pursed her lips and looked to her plate. She had forgotten to put food on it, so that is what she did in the tension-filled silence.
“The weather has been quite good lately.” Her father said. “We had gone through that terrible bout of rain every day a few weeks ago.”
Matilda decided that if her mother would not join her in having a good mood, then she would indulge in conversation with her father. “That is right, we had such terrible rain. I am glad that it went away. Father, maybe you would enjoy taking a phaeton ride with me one day?”
“Most certainly.” The Earl said without hesitation.
Matilda made it a point to see how her mother would react to them conversing without her, but her eyes remained glued on her plate. That saddened Matilda to an extent. She could not understand why her mother was so cold to her. Why was it that she could never just be vulnerable or nice? It was always rules, expectations, disappointment, and everything in between. She just wanted a mother that she could talk to the way that she spoke to Ann every now and then. But sitting across from her, slicing into her meat and taking careful bites, never allowing herself to make a mess, was a mother of stone. There was not enough hope in the world that could lead Matilda to believe that she would ever have a decent relationship with her mom.
“Tomorrow night…” Her mother began, cutting into the silence with words that were sure of themselves. “We will be throwing a party for Charles and his family. It will be a big event with big moments.” Catherine gave her daughter cold eyes for two seconds. “You should have worn that dress tomorrow. Why is it that you never know the right thing to wear on the right day?” She shook her head and shovelled more greens on her plate.
“I like your dress, dear.” Her father said with food in his mouth.
Matilda remained silent, taking in the fact that there would be a party to suffer through within twenty-four hours. She was already not looking forward to it and was not sure that she could fake a smile the entire time. It was painful enough the last time. Yet, the last time had led to magical things with Aaron. Maybe, somehow, the party the next night would prove to be something good.
And then, Matilda lost her appetite completely. Her heart sunk in her chest, and she lost the ability once again to breathe normally. Though she had gotten used to dealing with those sensations, at that time, her hands went clammy as well, realizing that the party was most likely where the engagement to Charles would happen.
Matilda felt as though she were going to pass out. It all made too much sense. And there was little time to do anything to get out of it. She had not a single idea or plan.
After dinner, Matilda found Ann in her room and begins to cry right in front of her. When Ann sees this, she shut the door.
“What is it Matilda, why are you crying?”
Matilda explained everything that happened at dinner, leading to the revelation about the engagement.
There was a look of horror that instantly fell upon Ann’s face. Mixed in with that horror was a sea of uncertainty, the type of uncertainty where your mind moves in haste, searching for any possible solution. “Okay,” Ann started. You mustn’t panic. You need to understand that. Panicking will strip you of a clear mind, and Matilda, your mind is everything.”
“I know, but I am scared.” Her hands were trembling. “I do not want to get engaged to Charles. I would rather fall ill and die tomorrow than marry him, Ann.”
Ann took both her hands in hers. “Never say anything of the sorts. Life is far too valuable to think that way.” Ann took a moment. “What about your father? Maybe it’s time to come clean about Aaron to him.”
“I am too nervous. I can’t.” Matilda sat down on the edge of her bed and took a deep breath. Ann looked too worked up to sit down. “I still have a few hours. I can figure something out.” She did not look at Ann’s face, too scared to see the doubt there.
“You know Matilda, until meeting you, I was someone that was like your mother. Yes, I believed in love and everything that came with it. But I only did so to a certain extent. And then I began working for your family as your maid.” Ann sat down next to her. “And you slowly changed my perspective on everything. I had initially thought that you were just a starry-eyed girl, driven by the narratives in your books and poems. You have shown me otherwise, proving to me that those stories can happen in real life, that love and magic can be found in the unlikeliest of places at the unlikeliest of times. And I truly think that it will work out for you. I know that time is not of the essence, but that has never been a problem with you before. I believe in you. Now’s the time that you believe in yourself.”
Ann was right. Matilda believed deep down that she would find a way. She had to, not only for her but for Aaron.
