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“Things…will just work out.”Even though Aaron had not wanted to give her stress, that is what happened. “I don’t have answers. I can only hope that tomorrow, at that moment, things will go my way.”
“That is foolish. Because when that moment comes and he asks for your hand, you will only have two options and since speaking with you, I know the one that you are going to choose. This is—”
“Please don’t say it. I know that we are not in a book. I am aware that life does not always turn out for the best, but I am hoping that it will. Because that is all I can do. I do not have a solution.
“I do not know what else to say then, Matilda.” He turned his back, his hands on his hips. She could tell that he was looking to the sky out of frustration. It brought her back to being a helpless little girl, not knowing how to make those around her happy.
Matilda had stopped seeking the approval of those around her while growing in age. It had become just a little bit easier to delve into fake worlds and keep herself happy without being concerned over whether or not she was putting a smile on someone else’s face. But Aaron was different. There was a need to make him happy. Disappointing him was like dropping the world.
“What do you suggest I do then, Aaron?”
“I already suggested it.”
Matilda’s stomach went sour. “I can’t. I can’t hurt him like that. It isn’t all about me.”
“You are making none of it about you.” Aaron finally turned to face her. “This, in many ways, is the biggest moment of your life. There won’t be many situations like this one where it defines your entire life moving forward. And you are surrendering.”
Matilda did not like that word. “You are being rather cold and avoiding the feelings of a man who did nothing wrong.”
“No. I do sympathize with Charles. Rejection is a terrible thing but one in which that needs to be experienced in life. I also know that he most likely does not want to share his life with someone who does not really love him. Did you ever think of it like that? You would be lying to him forever.”
“He would not know that.” Matilda knew that it sounded as though she had resided in that there would be no other way, and watching the red grow on Aaron’s face, he must have thought that too.
“You must think this is just some story that will turn out good for you. That one day, Charles will decide himself that you deserve to be set free. I don’t know if I have wasted my time with you. Because I am beginning to think that you really do just live in your own fantasy. I thought that like myself, you could at least be aware of the harsh realities of the world.”
Matilda knew that the more the conversation continued, that the more Aaron slipped from her grasp. Without a clear solution and without any changes in her views for the next day, Aaron would just continue to grow more frustrated. The only way that she could envision him understanding her was if she remained vulnerable.
“I care deeply about you, Aaron. I know that you do not like the choices that I make sometimes, but I do care for you and try my best to not let you down.”
He let out a sigh. “It just does not make sense for me any longer.”
Even though his words were vague, fearfilled her. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t have interest in continuing these secret meetings. I cannot pursue courtship with a woman who is promised to another man.” He said it all in a matter-of-fact tone, one in which appeared to leave no room for argument. And that sent her mind into a frenzy. Never had she felt so desperate to fix what she had done so quickly.
“You do not mean that.”
“You know better than anyone else, Matilda. I do not speak words that I do not mean.”
***
Aaron could still hear her sobbing as he walked away. It was the main reason as to why he headed back to the stables. His commitment to what he had told her began to shake the second her tears began to fall. Seeing her cry was heartbreaking. The next time that he would look in a mirror, he would see a monster. But what was he to do? Continuing a relationship with her would only prove to be wrong. It would hurt another man in the long run, not to mention absolutely destroy her reputation. It had to be done.
His legs were weak as he moved his feet across the dirt in light steps. Walking away was the hardest act that he had ever had to commit. It wasn’t lost on him that he had made the one person who meant the most to him cry. Her soft, delicate features brought to tears that could not be undone for him.
It took Aaron longer than usual to get back to the stables, mainly because his body wanted to go back to console Matilda. The urge to take his words back filled him, but he fought it. He fought it with everything that he had in the understanding that he would most likely never see her again.
With each step, a new memory flooded him. From the first time that they sat down together on the bench, discovering one another’s passions and sharing the forbidden kiss, to the times where he would wait patiently to see her at the stables, those times would forever stay in his heart. Knowing that there would never be anymore of them made his legs even weaker.
When he finally reached the stables, he stood there for a minute, clutching onto the wooden fence. The world around him disappeared at that moment, and not in the same way that it would when around Matilda.
He did not want to break down. He had told himself years ago that he would never allow anything to ever take him to that dark place of gut-wrenching sadness. In all his might against fighting it, he couldn’t. The next thing he knew, he collapsed to his knees and brought his hands to his face. Aaron’s last defence was to hold back the tears.
It was then that Thomas emerged and laid a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. It was clear that he knew what had happened to an extent.
There were no words needed between the two. They remained there in silence as Aaron let the night wash over him.
