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Chapter 18
It was the night of the party. As usual, just as all other parties went, everyone had been in good spirits, laughing over stories, dining off their plates without a care. It was all in stark contrast to how Matilda felt sitting there with hands so clammy she could have made her own soup.
Observing everyone took the life out of her because with each person her eyes crossed over, it was another personality that would witness the proposal; another opinion; another person to not embarrass Charles in front of.
Every time that Matilda would imagine herself saying no, her heart would explode in fear. How could she say no with everyone watching? With her mother sitting so close? With Charles face looking right at hers with amusement? The only imagery that would give her strength was the face of Aaron.
Despite his harsh words that sounded final, the act of saying no provided her with a way to see him once more. Maybe she could say no and run away with Aaron? Maybe she could say no and then profess her love for Aaron in the crowded, shocked room. As great as those possible scenarios were, they filled her with a fear she had never felt before, which in turn made it all impossible to her.
She bit at the side of her fingernails and continued to take sips of water as her throat continued to get dry. It was the element of time that was doing her no favours. The longer the party went on, the more she panicked that it was getting closer to the proposal. Of course, she hoped that the entire proposal was somehow not happening, but something in her heart knew for certain otherwise. Somehow keeping a smile on when needed helped to trick herself into calming down. But like the sips of water, it was only a temporary remedy.
And then, there was Addison. Her attendance could not go unnoticed for Matilda. The way she smiled and conversed with other party-goers, Matilda knew the fraudulence behind it all. She was putting on a show. Underneath it all was a cold-hearted, manipulative, controlling woman.
Surprisingly, Addison only helped the side of Matilda that wanted to say no to Charles because she wanted to undo all the trauma that Addison instilled in Aaron. Aaron didn’t deserve the thing that she did him. He didn’t deserve their strange relationship. She was the one person that hindered his confidence and made him feel as though he was less of the man he truly was. And that angered Matilda deeply, so much so that it almost gave her the confidence to say that two-letter word to Charles.
What would Addison think? How would she react if she knew that Aaron and her were together and that he would be free of her shackles? That was a fantasy that Matilda craved to explore but wasn’t sure that she could.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” Charles asked her.
“I am, yes.” She lied.
Hearing him speak only made her nerves worse. It was as though his voice made the situation all the more real. It was one thing to think about Charles, but hearing and seeing him brought her to the realization that the time for thinking was long over. The moment was real, and it was happening. Maybe it wasn’t the exact proposal moment, but it sure did feel as though it was on its way.
“You seem rather reserved from your usual self. Is something bothering you, Matilda?”
If only she could expel everything that had been on her mind, maybe it would have all gone away and been fixed. But his sincerity, his immediate sympathy, it could not be betrayed. She could not hurt him, just as she told Aaron outside the day prior. Seeing his innocence masked across his faceonly solidified her decision. She did not have the heart to hurt him. It just was not in her.
“I am well. I am never one for big events. I am more adept behind a book.” She let out a nervous laugh hoping that Charles would stop talking. Her tongue lacked the ability to speak well due to her nerves.
“I see. Well, I’m sure as the night goes on, things will get better for you.” Charles said.
Matilda’s heart sunk. She took that as a hint of what was coming her way. It had to be a reference to the proposal. What else could it have meant?
Matilda decided to eat her food and keep her mind free of thoughts. The only aspect of the night that she could control was her nerves. She needed to at least keep them normal for her own sake. There was no point in remaining worked up the entire night.
It was then that she spotted her mother walking towards her. The little bit of an appetite that she did have fled her instantly. Her mother Catherine was never one to socialize with her at parties. That was her time to shine and show off to the company. If she was walking over to Matilda, it meant that there were extenuating circumstances. And that could only really be one thing.
“Matilda,” Her mother said. “Why don’t you go into a private room with Charles for a moment. I am told that he wants to have a discussion with you.”
Charles had already walked off a moment ago. And Matilda got up to join him in the room without any words for her mother.
There were many thoughts that crossed her mind as she walked toward the room, and they all ended with Aaron’s attractive face. The tears wanted to leave her eyes as Matilda knew the answer that she had to give to Charles. The moment was seconds away. Perhaps it would not work out for the best.
In the room, Matilda sat next to Charles, who did not look well himself. It dawned on her that he must have been filled with nerves much like herself, but of course for entirely different reasons. She could believe that it had boiled down to them sitting there together. She also couldn’t believe what she was about to say.
She needed to put herself first. She needed to live out the future that made the most sense to her, the one that would make her most happy.
“You look even more nervous now?” Charles said, shifting his eyes between hers and the floor.
Matilda appreciated the factthat Charles had been at least observant. It saved her from having to explain herself further.
“Well…uh…” She could sense the proposal coming, which made her heart beat so fast that it was hard to speak. It beat so fast that she was worried that she would not be able to breathe.
“You are trembling now…”
Matilda changed her mind on liking Charles’s observantnature. Hearing him point out the obvious was only making her more nervous and upset.
Aaron’s face flashed across her mind once more, and mixed in with the rapid heartrate and the sputtering breaths, she was then faced with the prospect of tears leaving her eyes. The situation was too much for her. The time had come to end it all, to face her biggest fear.
