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“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” My body grows cold as the realization hits me like a bucket of cold water.
“Sarah, what is it?” I quickly move to the other side of the table, swiping my robe off the floor.
“Jesus, Luke, we didn’t use a fucking condom again.” The sound of my voice shrieks through the entire house, as I hastily close the belt of my robe with shaking hands. He’s quick to my side, wanting to console me.
I hold my palm up, halting him in his tracks. “Don’t. Just don’t. Everything’s not going to be okay. I’m not on the fucking pill, and here we are making the same mistake fourteen years later. You need to leave. We can’t keep doing this. We’re over.”
Luke
My eyes grow wide as I stare at her fiery expression. If she thinks we’re over, then she’s fucking crazy. I can’t believe I forgot to use a condom again. I lose my fucking mind when I’m with this woman.Fuck! She looks pissed.
Istride toward her, circling my arms around her waist and brush my lips against her cheek, trying to comfort her. “Fuck, Sarah, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, but whatever happens we’ll deal with it together.”
She slips from my grasp taking a step back. The dark fury splashed across her face is alarming. “We…are not dealing with anything. We…are done. I can’t do this anymore!” she shouts, waving her hands in the air like a lunatic. She squeezes her eyes shut and inhales a deep breath, trying to rein in her anger. “Luke, please, just go.”
I can see her eyes filling with tears before she turns and stalks down the hallway. Her words sound final, and they hit me like a ton of bricks as I watch her disappear. The bedroom door slams shut, the sound shooting through me like a bullet.
I won’t let her get away again. We will never be over. I stalk down the hallway and tap lightly on her door.
“Go away.”
I lean my forehead on the door. “Baby, open the door. We need to talk.” I hear a whimper, and I just want to hold her tight and tell her everything is going to be okay.
“I’m done talking. I’ll keep you updated on Ashley’s condition, but you and I are over. Please go.”
“Dammit Sarah! Open the fucking door.” I pound my fist on the door.
“Goodbye, Luke,” she rasps.
Never!
The silence from the other side speaks volumes. If she needs space fine, then I’ll give her space for now. It will give me time to put everything into motion, but she needs to understand I’m not giving her up again. Losing her is not an option. Her body knows it is mine, I just need for her mind to catch up.
“Sarah, listen to me, I'm going to go, but you need to know that I’m coming back. We’re going to have a life together. The life you deserve. Ashley too, baby. I’m coming back for both of you. Please don’t give up on me.” I wait for a response.Nothing!“I’m not going to say goodbye, because this is not the end. I’ll miss you and please know that I’m coming for you.” I swipe my bags from Ashley’s room and leave without another word.
I stop by the hospital to see Ashley before leaving town, because I want her to know my plan.
“Ashley, I have to go back home for a few weeks, but I’m coming back.” The sadness on her face breaks my heart. “Angel, I love you very much, and I want you to know I’m in love with your mother. I’ve always been in love with her, and this time I’m not giving her up,” I tell her, producing a tiny grin from her lips. “I’m going back home to settle things and put my house up for sale. I’m giving up my practice and moving back here. Don’t give up on me, and please don’t let your mom give up either. I promise I’m coming back for you guys. I want to give you both the life you deserve.”
My career is important to me, but it isn’t everything. Sarah and Ashley are everything. I need to prove it to them. I let Ashley know we’ll be keeping in touch and give her my cell phone number.
“Call me anytime, day or night. We can still play video games together online whenever you want, and I’ll still let you kick my butt.” I kiss her cheek, and she rolls her eyes when I rub the top of her head, messing up her hair. “I’ll see you soon, Angel.” I give her a wink, and I’m rewarded with a huge grin, letting me know she’s on board. Everything is going to work out.
I’m finally going to have a life that’s meaningful.
Sarah
Five weeks have passed, and I haven’t heard a word from Luke—not that I expected to. I’m trying my best to work through these feelings and accept the fact that I fell in love with a man I can never have.
Maybe I should call him?
I always believed that he let me down, but perhaps it was me who let him down. When he left, I didn’t even have the guts to fight for him. No one has ever fought for him.I was too scared.
But why fight? That’s what every man in my life does—they leave. Why fool myself into believing there’d be a happy ending for us?
Gah! My head is so freaking messed up right now.
I didn’t realize how lonely I was until Luke came back into my life. Now that he’s gone again, it’s so much harder to fool myself. I’ll continue to drag my broken heart around, hoping—eventually—it’ll just fade away. But late at night when I’m alone in my bed, all I can do is think about him. It’s Luke’s face I imagine when my hand slips underneath the covers. It’s Luke’s name on my lips when I come. It’s always Luke when I dream of happy endings that will never be.
