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His breath hitches, his eyes flicker with arousal. But then I watch the wheels in his mind turn and the shutters coming down. “El, I don’t think that’s a good idea. The doctors have been very clear. We can’t do anything that puts strain on your heart. I carry you everywhere so you don’t exert yourself walking. Making love, even when we’re gentle… It’s too much of a risk.
“I wouldneverforgive myself if something happened to you… especially this close to the surgery, when there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.”
He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it reverently. His other hand coming to caress my face.
“I know the risks, Ade. But I really, really need to feel you when I am still myself, when I still have my own heart.
“I could die before, during, or after this surgery. There is no guarantee I will make it through any of it. There is no guarantee that even if the surgery is successful, my body will accept Tiero’s heart.
“Please, Aiden. I need you. I need you to love me. This might have to last us for eternity.”The thought nearly breaks me.
I see the conflict playing out in his eyes and it tears me apart that I am putting him through this. But if ever there was a time to be selfish, it is now.
I’ve never been a demanding person. When it comes down to it, I’m a people pleaser. And I am happy to be one for the people I care about. But right here and now, this is the most precious thing Aiden could give to me.
My eyes plead with his. After long moments pass, Aiden moves his body closer to mine, our faces only a breath apart.
God, I miss being intimate with him… so much!
He closes the gap, attaching his lips to mine. The moment we touch, goosebumps stand erect my skin, every cell in my body singingHallelujah.
But then he pulls back, looking me deeply in the eyes.
“I want you, Sunshine. You know I want you… always. But this is too risky.”
“Ade, please. I promise I will tell you the second I feel weird. And I don’t even have to climax. I just need to feel you inside me, while I’m still fully me… feel you and me being one together.”
We stare at each other, the seconds and minutes ticking by. Aiden’s internal battle is clear for me to see.
“Neither of us will get to come. That will be our reward for going through this ordeal and coming out the other end. And you have to tell me the second your heart is—”
“I promise,” I’m quick to interrupt. “Just being with you, being one with you is… it’s all I want, Ade.”
“El…” Aiden’s voice chokes up, and he takes several breaths before he can speak again. “El, I want that… I want that so much too. And this won’t be our last time. It’s only the beginning. We will have a long and happy life together,” he breathes as a big, fat tear runs down his beautiful face.
My soul hurts seeing him so distraught, knowing that I’m the reason.
I kiss his tears away, whispering, “I am so, so sorry for putting you through this. You deserve the best. You deserve to be so happy. You put your life on hold for me. I hate myself for that.”
Aiden presses a finger against my lips to silence me. “Never say that again. My emotions will pass; I wouldn’t change a thing. You’re making me feel… everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
“After I left the Green Berets, I was numb for so long. Even before the explosion… with every passing week, I felt more dead inside, less human… even though I believed in what we were doing.
“To feel, Ella… it’s the greatest gift. You’re giving me that gift.”
He leans to nuzzle his nose against mine and kiss me tenderly. “Yes, this here, right now, it’s the worst.
“It’s the worst for anyone who loves you. And there are many. We are all here for you. But I am first in line. I love you, Ella Rose O’Neil, with everything that I am and everything that I have, now and forever.”
And then he shows me just how much he loves me, with tender kisses to every exposed inch of my body and hands that worship every part of me.
The way he touches me is slow and deliberate, as if I was his most precious treasure.
And all the while, my heart gently hammers in my chest. A brilliant reminder that for right now, I’m alive.
Gratitude fills me. Appreciation I got to experience love like I’ve always imagined it—grand. And not only once, but twice in my short twenty-six years. If I have to die, I had at least that.
I consciously put all my love into my touch as I let my hand slide over every inch of my man. There’s not one spot on him I don’t love. From his beautiful face, the broad slope of his shoulders, his muscular arms that have never failed to make me wet, his smooth chest and rippled stomach, leading to the delicious V-shape of his hips, to his thick, muscular legs… all of him is perfection. And all mine.
