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“Yes.” There is no hesitation in his answer.
“I was just thinking about how the silence here reminds me of my time in the box.” I glance over at him and notice his jaw clench. “That’s what I called the panic room in my mind. The box. The only time there was any noise in there was when he’d start the feed from the bedroom when he was with someone else.”
I watch him clench his jaw again and again as his eyes harden. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths as he struggles to maintain his temper. I can feel the anger and aggression rising off him in waves as he fights to stay calm.
My own heart is beating at a normal pace. My thoughts are calm. Tears prick my eyes as I realize how utterly safe I feel with him, even as he’s fighting the urge to erupt.
I reach down and pull his fingers out of their balled-up position in his fist and slide mine between them. He looks over at me as I squeeze his hand, and the pain and anguish in his eyes is too much. Tears run down my cheeks as I lean over and rest my forehead against his.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, my lips nearly touching his.
“It’s not. It’s so far from okay. I’m a violent man on a good day and hearing what you’ve endured makes me want to set fire to the world. We failed you. Everyone failed you.”
I let go of his hand and cup both of his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “I only started crying tonight because I feel so safe with you. You didn’t fail me. None of you did.”
The truth is that I failed myself long before anyone else did. Hell, I failed them when I chose Tripp instead of continuing to explore the possibility of things with them. It was my choice to leave.
Lake leans in, ever so slowly, with a glance to my lips. “Liv,” he says quietly, “I’m going to kiss you now. You have one second to tell me no.”
I don’t say anything. I close the distance between us, my lips touching his first. My hands are still on his face, the scruff of his five o’clock shadow rough against my palms, but his lips are firm as they seal over mine. He grabs the stool I’m sitting on and turns it toward him. He doesn’t stop there though, and soon I’m being lifted into his lap with a gasp.
As soon as my lips part, his tongue is sweeping past and stroking mine. He’s kissing me like he’s trying to win a battle, like he’s on a mission to rid me of any previous kisses. His hands knead my hips as they rock against his hard thighs.
I let my hands drift down from his face to his shoulders and then back up to his neck and into his hair. We sit there, feasting on each other for what feels like hours but also somehow just seconds. He pulls away first but keeps his hands on me.
“Was that too much?”
I lean in and give him a peck on the lips before answering. “No.”
His smile of relief damn near takes my breath away, between the dimple and his laugh lines I’m a goner. “Good. I want more of that, but you need to eat first.”
He swings me around on his lap but holds me in place when I try to move back to my stool.
“Stay here,” he commands as he slides my plate in front of me. “Finish and then we can go get in the hot tub for a while.”
After we clean up the dishes, I walk back to grab the swimming suit that Nolan said I should bring. It’s a basic black bikini, exactly what I would have chosen for myself. I’m not surprised that Sawyer managed to buy exactly the style of clothes I would wear.
When I walk out onto the patio, Lake's already in the water, steam rising up around him into the cold, dark sky. His head is tilted back, and I don’t think he can hear me until he turns in my direction. The way he looks at me with a desire I can feel deep in my bones. I know in this moment, I won’t regret whatever happens between us.
I step down into the steaming and gently bubbling water. He reaches over and hits a switch that lights a fire element around us. I let myself slide down to where the water is over my shoulders and rest my head on the ledge behind me. The sky is so full of stars above us that for a minute I remember all the remote places I lived with my parents and how I took the stars for granted.It’s something you don’t think about when you see it every day.
My relationships with the guys are much the same now that I allow myself the time to think about it. The beauty of my individual connections with each and the unique way we all used to fit together. A part of me, one that I buried deep down in order to survive, has started clawing its way back to the surface. The greedy part who wants those connections back, the one who wants each of her guys.
I can see the flames of the fire dancing in Lake’s dark eyes as he watches me from the other side of the hot tub. The only sound is the gentle bubbling of the water shooting from the jets. I feel the super charged electricity in the air. I want nothing more than to be in his lap, pressed against him—our lips fused as he teaches me how to feel again.
His eyes burn a path from mine to my lips, down my neck and landing on the swell of my breasts where the water hits me. The intensity of his gaze makes me clench my thighs and shift my weight. It’s been so long since I’ve felt desired, even longer since I’ve desired anyone, that I don’t know what to do with myself.
“Olivia.” He motions with two fingers toward himself. “Come here.”
My mind hesitates, but my body doesn’t as I stand and cross the short distance. I stop in front of him, feeling wholly inadequate and unsure of myself. I’m a shadow of my former self, and he’s larger than life now. They all are.
Before my mind can slip away into the darkness, he grabs my hips and pulls me onto his lap. My hand lands on him, bracing myself. I stare at the contrast between the deep, golden brown skin of his muscular shoulder and my pale, slim hand. Lake has always been a ruggedly handsome man, and every year I’ve been away has increased that tenfold.
I can barely breathe as his hand cups my hip and his thumb traces the edge of my bikini bottoms. I shift, straddling his lap, and gasp as I feel him harden beneath me. Heat pools in my core as his thumb sweeps under the material. My fingers dig into his skin.
“We’re going to remind you who you belong to, and it starts with me.”
I lower my mouth to his again, silently giving him permission. As far as I’m concerned, I am his. For tonight, tomorrow, as long as he wants me, I want to give myself to him. With my fingertips, I explore his chest and abs while we kiss slowly. His hands move up my back and untie the strings of my bikini top.
