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I’ve always loved driving down the winding driveway of Kingston Manor in May. The pink cherry trees are in full bloom, lining either side of the brick driveway while the house looms in the distance, the flowery scent catching on the warm breeze. It’s a beautiful sight to behold.
The epitome of spring.
A fresh start.
Pure.
Okay, so obviously, I’ve spent too much time overthinking things this weekend. Searching for signs and deeper meanings. Lenny wasn’t exactly wrong when she said I never wanted kids. I’ve spent the last ten years not wanting them. I just never saw myself as a mother.
My life, career, and independence mean everything to me. They’re the stick I measure my success by. I love that I have the ability to pick up and do whatever I want, whenever I want. And I know that’s going to change when the baby comes. If I hire a nanny, the change could be minimal. But I don’t want to have a nanny raise my baby the same way my mother relied on nannies to raise Max, Becket, and me.
Max and Becket are older than me. Sawyer and Hudson are next after me. Amelia is between Hudson and Lenny, with Jace rounding out the semi-adult Kingstons. Our youngest sister, Madeline, is the baby of the family. Everyone should be here for brunch today.
We all share the same father with a mix of five different mothers. I never had any illusions that the late, great John Joseph Kingston was a saint. But it sure shocked the hell out of all of us when we found out that there was a missing Kingston sister out there. It turns out, dear old Dad didn’t know she existed either. But once he died, and the search was left to us, we spared no resource in our quest to find our missing sister.
We protect what’s ours, and Amelia was ours.
Luckily for us, fate turned out not to be the fickle bitch she usually is. Amelia had started her new life in Kroydon Hills, just minutes away from our late father’s estate, where a few of my siblings still live.
I’ve been trying to convince myself that fate is on my side all weekend. I’ve spent the last few days closed off from everyone. Ignoring calls and texts, trying to consider all my options. But I realized something late last night. There are no options for me. My brain will not sway me one way or the other because my heart has made the decision for me. It was easy to think I didn’t want kids before.
But now...
Now that I’ve heard her heartbeat.
Now that she isn’t some hypothetical child, I want her desperately.
And that scares me to death.
Almost as much as the idea that I’ll have to tell Cade St. James I’m pregnant with his baby is still rocking me to my core.
Maybe fate is a bitch after all.
I was a mess when Cade left for the marines. I was the one who ended things between us. How could it possibly work with him halfway across the world? I was seventeen, and watching the disintegration of my parents’ marriage, followed by my mother man-bashing every chance she got and my father cheating on his second wife too, convinced me there was no hope. I didn’t want to end it. I just thought it would be easier.
I was wrong.
Not that I ever told him that.
I was an absolute wreck after he left.
My life changed that summer, and I spent my senior year of high school a shell of myself. It wasn’t until I left for college the following year and got into therapy that I started to work through my issues. It’s the one and only time in my life I’ve allowed a man to have the ability to destroy me.
I learned from that mistake and never repeated it again.
I refuse to need anyone. The only person I can rely on is me. With the occasional help of a sibling or two... or eight.
When I pull up in front of the oversized garage, I see Amelia and Sam are already here, getting Maddox out of the car. And judging by the cars parked beside them, we’re the last to arrive. Just as my heels hit the bricks, my youngest brother, Jace, opens the side door of the house. “Come on, guys. You’re the last ones here, and I’m fucking starving.”
“Jace,” Amelia hates when we curse in front of Maddox. It’s kinda funny considering he’s not even a year old.
“He can’t talk yet, Amelia.” His smile vanishes when he looks over our sister’s head at her very intimidating husband, then changes his tune. “Sorry, Amelia.”
Jace comes down the steps and takes the baby from her arms. “Come on, Mad man. Let’s go see what trouble we can get into.” Maddox giggles and grabs Jace’s hair in his pudgy little fist and tugs.
Sam watches the two of them head into the house with a glare plastered on his chiseled face, then glances over at Amelia and me. “We’re going to have to limit how much time Maddox spends with that one.”
The three of us make our way to the kitchen, where everyone is gathered and making their plates. Our family has grown over these past few years. Now, when we sit down to a family meeting or meal, there are thirteen of us, including my youngest sister and her mother, as well as Amelia’s husband and Lenny’s fiancé.
