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That kiss will live on in my memory forever. The way his lips caressed mine. How gentle yet demanding he was as his tongue traced the seam of my mouth, begging for entrance. The spark that ignited as our tongues danced, hands roaming. The way he tugged my hair to gain access to the sweet spot on my neck as he pulled me closer.
It was an amazing kiss. But it was wrong. Sam was asleep, having passed out before we rang in the new year. Mia and Spencer had left to be alone at their new place. The rest of our friends were either making out in a corner of Jay’s apartment or had already fallen asleep from the copious amounts of alcohol we’d consumed since the party started earlier that evening.
We were essentially alone. No one was paying us any attention as we stood in the hall separating the kitchen from the living room.
Before the party started, I had decided my resolution would be to let go of my feelings for Jay, and instead, we ended up making out. Betraying Sam.
“I can’t do that to her again, Jay. She’s my best friend. If she ever found out it would destroy her.”
“Tell me you don’t feel something for me, that you’ve never felt anything for me, and I’ll walk away. But don’t lie to me or yourself. There’s been something between us since the moment you fell into my arms.” Those same strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me tight against his chest, my back to his front.
“Admitting it doesn’t make it right.”
“I miss you, Drea,” he confesses, leaning close to my ear so only I can hear what he’s saying. “I miss seeing you every day. I miss the way you bite your lower lip when you’re nervous and the way your eyes light up when you’re silently observing people as if you just figured out a secret you can’t wait to share. I miss the smell of your hair … vanilla and gummy bears.”
“Gummy bears? My hair smells like gummy bears?” I turn to look over my shoulder at him but stop myself before we can make eye contact. I know better. His stare makes me weak. This close up, I’ll give in to him without a second thought.
“You eat them constantly. Maybe your hair doesn’t smell like them, but I can’t look at a bag at the gas station without thinking about you. I have seven bags hidden in my desk right now.”
All I can do is shake my head, focusing my attention back on his closed door. The door that separates us from his sleeping girlfriend.
“I have to go, Jay,” I say, attempting to step out of his embrace, but he only holds me tighter.
“Let me walk you home.”
“It’s across the parking lot. I’ll be fine.”
“Please,” he begs. “I want five minutes with you alone.”
Alone. With the way my heart is hammering against my chest, begging to be freed, that’s not a good idea. It’s downright dangerous.
Still, I nod my head. When we make it back downstairs, the party has died down. There are a few people lingering in the kitchen watching a game of beer pong. Mia is straddling Spencer on the couch, their lips fused together. Her red hair is shielding his face from view.
Jay takes advantage of the situation, grabbing my hand, and pulls me out the door. When I try to pull away, he laces our fingers together and keeps walking, picking up the pace the closer we get to my apartment. Stealing my keys when I remove them from my pocket, Jay unlocks my door and ushers me inside. I hear the click of the door as he presses his body against mine, grabbing my ass and lifting me.
My back hits the wall at the same moment his lips find mine.
“We can’t.” My words are muffled as he continues his assault on my mouth, his tongue entering my mouth as I speak. Not that I’m attempting to stop him. After a few minutes, his kisses slow, moving from my lips down my chin and neck before traveling back up again.
“Five minutes,” he whispers in my ear, giving it a light tug with his teeth.
“And then?” I counter, knowing nothing can change between us. Not in five minutes or five hours. The only way things could be different is if I’d met him first. If Sam and I weren’t friends.
“And then we eat gummy bears and talk.”
I don’t have a chance to reply before his hands are in my hair, pulling my lips to his again.
Five minutes. I allow myself to enjoy every second. The feel of his body against mine. The ache between my legs that intensifies with every passing second. The way his tongue sweeps over my lips, causing a shiver of pleasure to course through my body.
And when those five minutes were over, we started the clock again. And again. And again. Until we found ourselves laying on top of my bed, both of us shirtless, Jay between my legs, pressing his hard length against the most sensitive part of my body. Me, meeting his thrusts, wishing there was nothing separating us. Nothing stopping us from—
That’s when my brain started firing again.
What am I doing? This is wrong. I was about to betray my best friend in the most unforgivable way. I’d never be able to look myself in the mirror again.
When I push Jay away, he must see what I’m thinking in the depths of my stare because he slowly backs away. Without a word, he finds his discarded shirt on the floor, pulls it back over his head, runs his fingers through his hair, and leaves without another word.
Shaking away the memory, I pick up the case file I abandoned before dinner. When I flip it open, Sam’s dead eyes are staring back at me. She’s hogtied, her mouth covered in thick, silver tape, and a large gash over her left eye.
