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Who am I kidding?
It’s all those things, but it’s also the fact he held my hand the entire walk over. That when we approached, he grazed the tips of his fingers up my arm before pulling me to his side. How natural it feels to be wrapped in his embrace.
It’s everything about Jay that has me feeling cool as a cucumber as we approach where Spencer is about to take the makeshift stage in the parking lot of Riley’s Pub. It’s nothing more than two partially broken pallets stacked on top of each other, but it gives him the advantage to look out over the still growing crowd of runners.
The beautiful spring morning is perfect for a marathon—warm enough to keep the chill off my exposed skin but the light breeze will keep me cool while running.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I prepare myself for the words I’m about to hear. It’s Spencer’s turn to speak. To talk about Sam. About the impact she made on his life. I can’t think of anything he could say that already hasn’t been said. It’s clear we all loved her. We miss her.
Her story is tragic. No one will ever dispute that fact.
I will find justice for Sam if it’s the last thing I do.
“Thank you all for coming out this morning,” Spencer starts. “It was an honor to have called Sam my friend and it’s an honor to be here today to kick off the first annual Samantha Bridges memorial race. For five years I’ve walked past the park,” Spence motions to the park behind the crowd of runners and all heads turn, “and it reminded me of the worst day of my life. The day I found out one of my best friends, a girl who was a ray of sunshine in everyone’s life, was taken from us. Today we erase the memory of that day and remember Sam for the amazing soul she was. We’re going to celebrate her. We’re going to take back the parts of our heart that shattered all those years ago.”
Five years.
She’s been gone for five years.
It’s been even longer since I’ve talked to my friend. Hugged her. Tried not to laugh as she pouted at me. Made fun of her for the crazy pens she would write with at work. Helped her pick out a new hair color.
The hours we used to spend together, doing nothing but talking, feel like they went by so fast, yet since she died, the days have dragged on. Life has slowed down.
Today is the hardest day of the year for me. I’m normally wrapped in a blanket on my couch with tears in my eyes. Looking at the few pictures I still have stored on my cell phone. Wondering where she would be now if she were still with us. Making up an amazing life for her.
She’d be married with kids. A boy and a girl. Her daughter would be the spitting image of her the way she resembles her mother. Her son would have her fire. She would be happy and healthy, living an adventurous life.
The chance at that life was stolen from her.
The reminder causes a chill to wash over me, my skin pebbling even though the warm morning sun is beating down on me.
“Before I officially kick off the race, I’d like to share the story of how I met Sam. As most of you know, I’m not from Great Falls even though I’m proud I now call this place home.” The crowd applauds, and Spence bows, a silly grin on his face. Always the showman. Always finding a way to make people laugh. Even in times like these. Even when he’s about to talk about Sam. “I was a sophomore at GFU, and I’ll be honest with you, I don’t remember much of my freshman year. It was a blur of parties and hangovers.”
The tension in the air lifts as the crowd laughs.
“Surprisingly, I only failed one class. Freshman English, and I am horrible at English, so I needed a plan to make sure I wasn’t taking it again my junior year. Picture this. I’m sitting in the back row of the classroom, contemplating my options, when in walks a girl with bright red lipstick and streaks in her hair to match. It’s piled on top of her head in one of those messy ponytails all the girls wear. Class started at noon, but it looked like she had just rolled out of bed. She had a coffee in each hand and a pencil holding her hair up.
“When she plopped into the seat next to me, I knew we were going to be friends. I tried not to stare at her, but she was beautiful. Her personality was shining brightly even when her eyes were closed and I thought she fell asleep. I wanted to talk to her, but she intimidated me.”
Spencer had a thing for Sam. I never would have guessed. Then again, I hadn’t met them yet.
“I stalked her for two weeks after class started, waiting for the perfect moment to ask her for help. I was already behind and she seemed to sleep through class but managed to pull an A on our first exam. Then one day she turned to me and asked what my name was. I was barely able to get both syllables out before she was interrogating me about creeping on her.”
This time I can’t help but laugh. My body is shaking as I bend over and hold my stomach. I can hear Sam calling him out in her no-nonsense way. She didn’t tolerate bullshit. She had no filter. If she was thinking it, you would hear about it. Whether you wanted to or not. No matter if she should share her thoughts or keep them to herself.
Jay runs his hand up and down my back as I straighten up. I’d almost forgotten he was next to me, Spencer’s story capturing my attention. He pulls me in front of him, wrapping his arms around my waist. When I look over my shoulder, I see unshed tears glistening in his eyes. I’ve already wiped away two strays.
Spencer continues his story, but I can’t take my eyes off of Jay’s. He’s holding it all in. The pain. The sorrow. The memories of a time before life was complicated. When Sam lit up our world just because she was a part of it.
“And then she fell for my roommate. The biggest mistake I ever made was introducing them. The ass was always better looking than me. Still is. I was upset with her until she brought over a friend, not wanting me to feel like the third wheel when we hung out. It was then I realized what true love was. Yes, I loved Sam, but in a different way. She was the first girl I called friend. The only girl not to fall for my bullshit pickup lines. And she cared enough to tell me when I was being a jerk. I loved that girl … but when Mia walked in the room it was as if my heart started beating just for her. I’m just lucky she felt the same way.”
I spot Mia standing next to the stage, grinning from ear to ear.
Yes, Spencer. You are very lucky. Not only that you met Sam but that she introduced you to Mia.
“Sam was a matchmaker. A coffee fiend. Pushy. Funny. Caring. Moody in the mornings but vibrant at night. She wore red lipstick proudly every single day. She had a personality that can only be described as unique. Her friendship was unconditional, and she would have done anything for anyone if they asked. Sam was a one-of-a-kind person, and she would be humbled to see how many people are here to honor her memory today. With that, I’d like to get this race started. Runners,” Spence says, straightening his back and deepening his voice in a more professional manner, “please take your places.”
I can’t help but shake my head at my friend as Jay and I walk hand in hand toward the starting line. It’s been a few years since I’ve run more than a mile on my treadmill, so this is going to suck. I’ll be exhausted and ache in places I shouldn’t but running also makes you feel alive.
