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12
“I should get packed,”I say after a long moment of silence, yet I don’t move from where I’m seated in Eli’s lap.
“Please don’t run from me. Let me be here for you. Lean on me if you need to, but don’t try and hide from this. Don’t push people away. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
After parting ways with Eli yesterday, I ran into my mother and Steve. They were in the midst of a heated conversation and didn’t see me approach. What I heard shook me to my core.
The short version is this … Steve was best friends with my father. He was directing the film my father was working on when he died. My mother blames Steve for my father’s death because they were filming in a part of LA that was known for gang violence. She’s never forgiven him judging by the force of her slap before storming off.
All facts my mother has kept from me since I was born. She never talks about what happened. Or him. It’s hard for her, I get it. She lost her husband, was left to raise his child alone. And I resemble my father in more ways than I resemble her, which means every time she looks at me, she’s reminded of her loss.
Which makes every feeling of loss inside of me resurface with force. I’ve been a hot mess most of the last forty-eight hours.
Relaxing back against Eli’s chest, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, pushing away images of the man I never had the chance to meet.
Eli’s too good for me. To me. I’ve done nothing in this lifetime to deserve someone like him. He constantly showers me with affection, shows me that he cares.
“It’s going to be okay, you know that, right?”
“Eventually everything is,” I state. After I speak with my mother. After I tell her I witnessed her conversation with Ansen.
“What do you want to do our last night here? Dancing? Sightseeing? Barhopping?”
Eli is a master at changing the subject. He pulls me from the darkness with ease. Finding ways to keep the mood light. He’s been doing it all day. I’m not surprised he’s doing it again right now. When all I want to do is let the darkness swallow me whole.
“All I want is to stay like this for the rest of the night if that’s okay.”
“The rest of the night?” he asks, his words hesitant.
We haven’t slept together since deciding we were a thing. And I don’t mean just in the naughty sense. He asked me to stay with him last night, but the temptation to strip him naked and have my way with him was too much. I was emotional for other reasons, and I didn’t want to make a decision I’d regret later on.
But I very much want his naked body wrapped around mine to be a thing.
I also want to take this slow. To get to know each other better. To build trust. To learn his quirks. I want to be his friend and his lover. In that order. If we skip the getting to know you phase, we’ll never revisit it.
“Yes, Eli. I want to sleep here tonight.”
Lifting me with ease, Eli stands, twists, and sets me back down in the spot we just vacated. Picking up the phone on the table, he calls the restaurant, ordering a feast for ten instead of two. After he hangs up, he demands my room key.
“What for?”
“I’m going to get your stuff and bring it back here.”
“I can get my things,” I protest, pushing out of my seat.
“You stay here. Mix us up a few drinks. Dip your toes in the pool if you want. I’ll only be a minute.”
“Eli, I have to make sure I grab everything.”
He’s seen my underwear but that doesn’t mean I want him rummaging around in it.
“I’ll get everything. I promise. Just relax, Taylor. Let me do this for you.”
What I really hear is ‘Let me take care of you’and it warms my heart. Nodding in acceptance, I hand over my room key and rattle off the short list of things I haven’t already packed. Toothbrush. Dry shampoo. Phone charger.
I don’t mention the tampons that I tucked behind the toilet just in case. I can buy more of those. Or the orange juice and champagne in the mini fridge. We have a fully stocked bar here in his room.
As soon as Eli’s out the door, I bounce into the kitchenette, already feeling a thousand pounds lighter, and pour myself a glass of white wine before dropping two cubes of ice in a glass for his vodka and soda.
