AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Alexis
Shame.
I can’t seem to shake it.
It’s been two weeks since I confessed everything to Micah. Since I ripped open a wound that hadn’t truly healed.
The horror of that day has found me every night, haunting me. What sleep I have gotten has been restless and interrupted. Every time I close my eyes, John’s there. His hand on my throat. Threatening me.
Until last night.
Maybe it’s the fact I haven’t seen Micah since our talk. That I’ve been avoiding him. Or maybe it’s because exhaustion is finally settling in. Between studying and my lack of sleep, I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast, if I remembered to eat at all.
Last night, it wasn’t John’s hand on my throat. It wasn’t his voice that threatened me. His words that cut me like a knife.
It was Micah’s.
I woke up screaming, my body drenched with sweat. Piper was hovering over me, holding me by the shoulders. The look of horror on her face caused me to burst into tears.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t live like this.
In fear of falling asleep. Of being reminded of what happened to me. Of feeling like I’ll never move past this one moment in my life. I was sick of letting his actions define mine. Who I am or what I’ll become.
But the strength I needed to muster to move on was gone. As was the courage I found in the days and weeks following that afternoon. For the first time since that fateful day, I felt like a shell of myself and there was nothing I could do to change that.
Which is why I continued to avoid Micah’s calls and texts after finals were over.
We started out as a one-night stand and that’s what we needed to be. It needed to end. Whatever this was between us. Even if it’s not what I want. Even if the thought alone hurt more than the memories of my past.
That pain is why I locked myself away in my dorm and made Piper lie for me when he stopped over.
I even went as far as to request to work in the basement of the library, a place that once scared me, instead of the circulation desk during my shifts. Down there, I could be alone. I could think and cry and I was still being paid. If I didn’t need the money so desperately, I would have called in.
But I should have known I couldn’t hide forever. Not from him. Because if nothing else, he is persistent.
My body acknowledges his presence before I even lay eyes on him, a shiver running up my spine, goosebumps pebbling my skin. My heart slams against my rib cage, stuttering to a stop before restarting. It takes off like a racehorse as soon as the gate opens—full speed ahead.
The pounding in my ears must have drowned out his footfalls because the second his familiar scent reaches me, I know it’s too late to attempt to hide between the stacks. When his hand lands on my shoulder, I have to suppress the moan that attempts to escape. It’s a simple touch, gentle and cautious. There is nothing sexual about it, but my body doesn’t seem to understand that.
My skin heats beneath his palm, igniting a fire in my soul.
However, it is his voice that breaks all my resolve. As soon as my name crosses his lips, I feel my armor begin to crumble.
This is the exact reason I was trying to avoid him. To break it off with him without having to say the words. Without having to face him. Or hear his voice.
Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him if I did. I crave his touch. His words.
I’ve spent the last two years guarding myself from this very situation. Protecting my heart. My sanity.
My scholarship.
One-night stands were all I could handle. No attachments. No commitments. No feelings.
No one gets hurt .
We both walk away, hopefully sated, and go on with our lives.
