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Julian
What have I done?
It wasn't my plan to tell her everything. I certainly didn't plan to kiss her. Not the first time anyway. But I couldn't stop myself. Holding back wasn't an option. And, as I expected, once I had my first taste, all I wanted was more.
I knew if I didn't pull away, if I didn't hold myself back, that I'd push her too far too fast.
We drive in comfortable silence back to the restaurant. When I lace her fingers with mine, she doesn't pull away. Not even when I have to use my left hand to put the car in park after we've reached our destination.
"What did you mean back there?" She's focused straight ahead, following the glow of my headlights as they reflect off her car. Still, I stare at her and admire her features. From her petite nose to the way her lips are slightly parted. The fact that her hair is falling out of her ponytail because of me makes me smile.
"Do you remember the first night we met?"
The entire time I wait for her answer, I pray she remembers that night as well as I do. That it's as clear in her mind as it is in mine. From the sexy ass boots she wore to the innocence in her eyes as she took in the party. But mostly, I hope she remembers the moment I claimed her as mine, even if I didn't realize that's what I was doing at the time.
"Of course. You pulled that drunk asshole off me."
Good.
"I pulled him off you within a fraction of a second, Piper. Do you know why that is?" She shakes her head but still won't make eye contact with me. "Because I was watching you. All night. Trying to figure out how to approach you. To talk to you."
She turns to face me, her eyes finally locking on mine. What I see startles me. The same innocence I first saw in her. The uncertainty and awe.
"I saw the girls walk away. Saw him approach. Saw the look on your face. And I was moving before he even touched you. I was ready to throw you over my shoulder and claim you as mine that night. Then he touched you, and I lost my shit. Because in my mind, he was touching what belonged to me."
"You can't own a person, Julian," she states, her voice cracking.
"No, but a person can own your soul. They can own a piece of your heart without even knowing it. And you, pretty girl, own a piece of mine. You have since that first night. And every night since, it feels like I've handed you more and more."
"You never said anything. And wasn't there that one girl…"
"There have been two," I confess, knowing she isn't going to want to hear this, but she needs to. "And both of them were my attempt to get over you because you weren't showing the same level of interest. It didn't work. They may have looked like you, but I wanted the real thing. I still want the real thing."
I'm laying my heart out there for her, and I've never felt so vulnerable in my life. I'm not even sure where the words are coming from. All I know is I need to say them. I need her to hear how I feel. And when this conversation is over, I hope to hear she feels the same way.
"I..."
Giving her time to take it all in, to process what I've said, I don't press her to finish her sentence. When she releases my hand, my stomach drops, and a million thoughts go through my mind.
How can I fix this?
How can I make her see?
What have I done?
Turning in her seat so she's fully facing me, I attempt to assess her demeanor but don't get to before she begins talking. "I like you, Julian. I always have. That night, you were my hero. You became larger than life in my mind. And you still are. I wasn't joking when I said you were the full package. You're incredibly talented, in and out of the kitchen. On and off the baseball field. A god among men. And yes, you're smart. You may not have passed one stupid class, but you don't struggle. Watching you in the kitchen is awe-inspiring. You're so confident. And so clearly out of my league."
She sounds like she's on the verge of tears, but I can't make out her expression in the shadows of the car. So I say the one thing that I hope will bring a smile to her face.
"I'm pretty sure you said I was beautiful too. Let's not forget that."
"Larger than life, Julian. That includes your ego," she banters.
"Among other things."
Piper laughs, a real genuine laugh. It's one of my favorite sounds.
"You know what they say about big things, right? Especially feelings," she clarifies when she realizes her words have a dual meaning. "They hurt more."
