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"He couldn't keep his eyes off of you. He kept opening his mouth to say something. He watched your every move with precious care and smiled when you marveled at your work. He's proud of you, the way we are of him. I also saw him fighting himself. So, please help me understand what could be so good and bad at the same time that he's acting like a jerk."
The words are out before I can stop them. Culinary school. The application. His plan.
Justine listens without interrupting, silently steering the car back toward Julian's apartment. When she pulls in front of his building, I let out a sigh. Taking my hand, she gives it a reassuring squeeze. The dam breaks, and tears start to fall the second my foot hits the sidewalk.
"It's over, Lex."Saying the words breaks my heart even more. I've thought them a million times today. I felt it happen when he walked away from me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." I sigh. "I'm sure. He was out of my league anyway. I knew it wouldn't last. We shouldn't have ever started something."
Lex rubs her hand up and down my back, and silent tears carve a path down my cheek and drip from my chin. We sit like that for the next hour, neither of us speaking. When Micah shows up with pizza and cheap wine, I crawl under the covers and close my eyes.
Of course I dream about Julian.
Instead of the hot, steamy dreams I started having about him this summer, this one is sweet. Sensual. We're in the kitchen, cooking together. He has his arms wrapped around me, his front pressed to my back as we stand in front of the stove. He's whispering in my ear as I stir a pot of sauce. When I look down at his hands, I find my belly full and round.
Turning in his arms, I stare up at Julian, only he's not the same man. He's older. More mature. His hair is graying around his ears. But he's still sporting his signature wicked grin.
I feel my knees go weak, but he holds me tight against his body. I'm staring at his lips, silently begging him to kiss me when he finally leans in, his intoxicating scent wrapping itself around me. Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, waiting for his lips to find mine.
One.
Two.
Three.
When he doesn't kiss me, I open my eyes to find myself alone in the dark. There's a sliver of light coming from underneath my bedroom door and whispered voices on the other side.
Crawling out of bed, I tiptoe over and press my ear to the cheap wood.
She's miserable.
I'm sure it's nothing.
I'm worried about her.
Just let things play out. You can't do anything if she won't tell you what happened.
I sure as hell can. I can go over there and give him a piece of my mind.
Lex, she needs to figure this out on her own. What if she'd butted into our relationship? How do you think you would have felt?
Pissed. I don't need to hear Alexis' answer to know that. It's a big part of why I let things happen the way they did. I gave her my opinion and then I let her figure her shit out herself.
And I'm glad I did.
I kind of like Micah a little more in this moment. It feels like he has my back right now. He gets it.
Either that or he's taking Julian's side and trying to protect him from Lex's wrath.
I'm fine with that as well.
No one can fix this. He's not going to forgive me for overstepping, and even if he did, he won't forgive me for telling his mom. It doesn't matter that my intentions were pure. That they came from the heart. That all I wanted was for him to give himself a chance at his dreams.
At the end of the day, I destroyed his trust in me. I'm the reason our relationship is over. And I have to find a way to live with that fact. No matter how much I wish it weren't true.
More importantly, I need to figure out how to get through class sitting next to him without falling apart.
