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It wasn't until this morning that I knew why. Now that I do, I'm not sure I deserve to be where I am today.
"It was interesting," I reply, scooting away from Chloe and relaxing back into the couch.
"Good interesting or bad interesting," she continues, ignoring my apprehension to the topic.
"Both, I guess."
I've been called into her office once before today for reasons unknown in advance. I had only been at the firm for a year and was afraid I was getting fired. I hadn't screwed up, but she did have concerns.
My focus was the main topic of conversation. It was around the time Lola was born, and I was checking in with Chloe a lot throughout the day. Her solution was to force me to take time off. I hadn't used any of my allotted vacation time, and since Chloe was due any day, I relented.
Today, she shared the same concerns. This time, my focus has been on Adam. Although I know he finds ways to keep himself busy while I'm at work, I text him throughout the day. A lot. Not because I'm worried about him or the fact he might be bored.
I miss him.
To say she was surprised is an understatement.
"You know,you remind me a lot of me when I was your age. That's part of the reason I hired you in the first place. You’re driven. Your work is your passion. Your level of dedication and commitment to the firm is astounding. All great qualities in an employee."
"Thank you, I think."
"It's a compliment, but it's also a curse. I was you twenty years ago. I was married to my job. It was what brought me joy, and it still does. You see, people like us, we give everything we have to our career. We thrive on success and that success is measured by the status we hold in our profession.
"For you, your position on the board was a huge stepping stone in making a name for yourself, especially at such a young age. Do you know why I recommended you for the position? Why I didn't accept it myself?"
Shaking my head, I'm afraid to hear her answer.
"Three years ago, I met a man. It was casual at first. We would have dinner from time to time, maybe go see a movie or a play at the theater. About the time I was offered the seat on the board, he gave me an ultimatum. You see, as casual as I thought our relationship was, he was serious about what we had. He wanted more of my time and didn't want to play second fiddle to this job.
"I had always put my career before anything else. Before anyone else. He loved me, and I loved my job. Not that he wasn't an amazing person, but I hadn't allowed myself to fall in love with him the way he had with me. So he left me. I decided not to take the position because I was hoping that I might find love with someone else. I knew it was time to put my needs before the needs of this place."
My gut instinct is to console her. The words won't come, though.
"This man is your opportunity, Addison. As much as I love my life, I don't want you to end up like me. I'm forty-five years old and single. I'm still married to my job. It's a lonely life sometimes. You deserve better. You deserve a man that appreciates and supports you. So, whatever you're doing with this guy, figure it out quickly. He may not wait for you to figure out what you want."
As I dropped into my chair, I spun around to look out the window. The amazing view has nothing on Adam's emerald eyes. I could look into them all day and get lost.
What do I want?
It's the only thing on my mind right now.
Everything is the one answer that keeps coming to mind. I want a life with Adam. I want to keep excelling at my job and moving my way up the corporate ladder. I want a happy, fulfilling life.
The way June spins it, that's too much to ask for. You can't have both. It's one or the other.
Or is it?
"She had concerns,"I finally say, a crash coming from the kitchen pulling me out of my daze.
"About what?"
"Me becoming her I guess."
"How so?"
"I guess she doesn't want me to end up old and lonely."
"I like your boss. We're on the same page," Chloe jokes, laughing to herself. "What are you going to do about it?"
