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“What if he doesn’t want to hear it? What if it’s too late?”
“Then you’ll know. It’s better than spending the rest of your life asking yourself ‘what if?’”
* * *
That night, after I get the boys to bed, I dial Ethan’s number. My heart pounds so hard, I can hear it in my eardrums. After six long rings, the call goes to voicemail. I close my eyes while I listen to him tell me to leave a message, then I hang up quickly.
I consider texting him, but then decide against it. When I see him at the wedding rehearsal, I’ll know whether he might be willing to give me another shot.
The truth will be written in his eyes.
Chapter44
Ethan
I wake up with the sun, my gut churning and my body aching like I’ve just climbed a mountain. Not only is today the wedding rehearsal, it’s also my last weekend in Gamble. I’ve decided that I can’t stay here any longer.
These past few weeks trying to avoid Moira have been pure hell. I’m making no progress on my novel, I don’t sleep, and I’m wracked with guilt for abandoning the boys. I ache for what might have been, and I simply can’t put myself through that.
I shouldn’t have assumed Moira would want my life just because it was easier. Yes, she’s been stressed out about money and not having any time. She’s been overwhelmed by her house, and all of her responsibilities. But I could have used my money to make her life betterhere. She didn’t need to move; I could have done that just as easily. Easier, really, as it’s only me.
Having said that, her having completely shut me down without even considering a future with me means she didn’t care for me as much as I did for her. As much as I do. And for that reason, I have to leave.
I’ll be on the Monday morning flight back with my parents, who came back late last night, in time for the festivities. So far, my dad hasn’t pried into what happened with Moira and me. Miraculously, Prisha, Sheila, and my mother have all stayed silent as well. But somehow their silence feels judgy.
Prisha and Sheila got here two days ago and have been staying at the lodge to help Harper and Digger get ready. I’ve bowed out of as much of the pre-wedding stuff as I can, as I’m assuming Moira would be there. If there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s to make things uncomfortable for the happy couple. I love Harper, but after everything she’s been through, I’m not about to put a damper on her joy just because I’m miserable.
Moira tried to call me the other night, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I’m guessing she wanted to call a truce for this weekend. She has nothing to worry about from me. I’ll be polite in a detached-but-friendly way like I am with my clients. I’ll focus on the kids and on Digger and Harper, and then it’ll be over forever. I imagine that I’ll eventually come back to Gamble to visit Harper, but I won’t do that until I’m completely over Moira.
Tossing on a long-sleeve T-shirt and some sweats, I make my way downstairs to start the coffee, only to find my dad already has. He smiles over at me while he pours a mug for himself. “Coffee?”
“Please,” I tell him, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and holding it out so he can fill it.
Without talking, we head out to the deck, as per what has become our routine. Autumn has come, bringing with it a chill in the early morning air. The sky is clear blue and the trees surrounding the lake are putting on a show of oranges, yellows, and reds.
“Is Mom still sleeping?” I ask.
He nods. “She’s never slept better in her life. Must be the fresh air.”
I smile, glad that my parents seem so happy these days. “This trip has been good for you guys.”
“I agree. It’s really put a spark back into our marriage,” he says, having a sip of coffee. “Sometimes in life you have to shake things up and remind yourself that you’re still alive.”
“Makes sense,” I tell him, wondering if he’s subtly trying to tell me I need to shake things up, too. If he only knew …
Kicking his feet up so they’re resting on the wooden support beam, he says, “I’m surprised you’re coming back to LA before you finish your book.”
“I need to face reality.”
“Is that what you call it? It seems to me that you might be running from something.”
Pausing with my mug up to my lips, I ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means maybe things got a little too real for you here and you can’t handle it.” He must see the anger written on my face because he adds, “I spoke with Harper last night.”
“Oh, yeah? And I suppose she’s blaming me for what happened?”
“She was very neutral in her comments. In fact, she barely said anything. She just said that things didn’t work out between you and Moira. She’s still hoping one of you will pull your head out of your ass and fix it.”
