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“Would that really be so bad though?” she asks, her voice soft and caring.
I dart my gaze over to her as we approach the wrought iron gates of the Draven manor. “No,” I whisper, the word slipping from my lips before I give myself the chance to overthink it. No it wouldn’t be so bad honestly, and the more I allow myself to imagine it, the more I want it to be real. I want to be able to claim my mates to the world as excitedly as Zeke had said he would. I want to know what a future would be like with them at my side, as more than mates but as equal partners in our packs, or perhaps singular pack at some point.
To my relief, Seline doesn’t comment as she pulls through the gates and up to the manor. The thick stone facade and climbing ivy make this place seem like more of a prison than a home, my responsibilities and the thoughts of my pack holding me back from what I truly want, and the people that are starting to feel more like home than this place had ever been.
My moment of clarity is snapped too soon by the crash of the front door against the rough stone as it’s thrown open. An irate Monte takes up the space where it had once been. He grips the door frame, his chest heaving in either anger or relief as he draws his gaze up to the car. I wince at the worried crease between his brows and the cutting look he shoots at both me and Seline, but I push that aside. He has no right to be this upset. I am my own person, and I can stay out with whomever I want. Besides that, I’m his Alpha and he has no right to question me.
“Where have you been?” Monte demands as I pull the car door open and step out, his tone too harsh for the worry I thought I saw in his face. His eyes scan over my disheveled appearance, suspicion glinting in his amber eyes. I pull my hair over my shoulder to cover the permanent scar, the mark that Zeke left when he claimed me as his mate, not out of shame, but because I don’t need another point of contention between us right now, not with the conversation we’re about to have.
“Monte,” I say in a warning growl, pushing down the bile that rises in my throat as I push my dominance out towards him. I never wanted to do that to him, to any of my friends, but he is overstepping his bounds. “Go to my office, I’ll find you when I’m ready.”
He visibly flinches at the force, his anger dissipating as fast as he had swung that door open. To my relief he doesn’t argue, and simply lowers his head in assent. “Yes, Alpha.”
With that he turns on his heel, stomping back up the stairs, his footsteps echoing off the floor. I hold back my wince, not wanting any of the curious eyes to see anything but cold determination on my face. Pain slices through me at his parting look, though, so full of anguish, as though the force of my dominance had been a physical blow.
“So … I guess you should go deal with whatever that was,” Seline sighs, crossing her arms over her chest as she pins Monte’s back with a disapproving look.
“I guess so,” I say, attempting to keep the bone deep exhaustion from my tone. I know that I need to go to him first. I can’t have him stomping around the house and undermining my authority. But I know everything is just going to be made worse with the scent of Zeke still on me along with our mixed arousal.
“I’ll go find my dad. Should I tell him about the letter?” she asks, her eyes creasing with uncertainty.
I pull in a deep breath, and trust my instincts. Everything within me had told me to trust Silas, but I’d held back so far out of fear of admitting that connection to anyone. But there’s no going back now, I already solidified that bond to Zeke. There’s no use in keeping Silas in the dark at least. I can only hope by some miracle Zeke is able to convince Everett to take back his stipulation to the engagement.
“Yes, but it’s for his eyes alone. You can tell him all that I told you but make sure not to be overheard,” I instruct while Seline follows me into the house and up the staircase. My legs get heavier the closer I get to the top, remembering the look on Monte’s face. My heart pangs for the relationship we used to have, but we can never have it again. Because we’re just too different now, we’re not the same kids that used to be madly in love with one another, too blinded by lust to see each other’s flaws and all the ways we weren’t meant for each other in that way. I can’t help but wonder if Monte is just enamored with what could have been and that’s why he refuses to let go, to see the shallow attachment that we have to one another now for what it is—a fond, distant memory of a simpler time. But we can never go back to those days, and no matter how much I wish I could take back the past, I can’t. It has molded me into the person I am today, and despite the heartaches and losses, I’m proud of how I’ve persevered.
Seline clasps my shoulder, giving me an encouraging nod before splitting off to her dad’s office down the hall. Pulling in a deep breath, I steel myself for this conversation. I have to let go of the feelings that I had for Monte and treat him like anyone else in this pack. Since I’ve been adjusting to my new role I’ve allowed him some leniency with how he addressed me, but barging outside like some jealous lover, that was way over the line.
I push the door open and stride through the frame, pulling on the mask of authority I need to don. Monte stops in his tracks at the squeak of the door hinges and turns to face me. His face is bright red, but I’m not sure if it’s from anger or what since his face goes blank except for a slight flare to his nostrils as he inhales deeply, closing his emotions down as his eyes meet mine. I push the door closed behind me, not daring to pull my gaze from his and let him think I’m backing down.
Finally his eyes break from mine, glancing to the floor in a show of deference. I don’t let my mind linger on how long it took for that to happen, shrugging it off as a reaction to the dominance I pushed at him downstairs and the obvious panic he felt after I hadn’t returned last night.
“Take a seat, Monte.” I gesture to the chair beside him and walk over to the leather office chair on the other side, careful not to get too close to him. I need to put distance between us, especially after last night. I told him before, reminded him that the arrangement between us was not real, but he still seems unable to discern that fact from the vision he clearly still pictures for the two of us.
I slide into the leather chair and grip the armrests, realizing that even though I let my mind wander there too, nostalgic for what could have been, I always knew we could never go there again, even before meeting my mates. And honestly, part of the reason for the fear that bubbled up within me when I sensed that mate bond was because I knew I was letting go of that safety net. And both Monte and I deserve more from a relationship than simply being with each other because it was the innocuous choice. We both deserve love and passion and to care so deeply for the other person we would tear the world apart to keep them safe, regardless of the pain it could cause. Because life is meaningless without a bit of risk.
“Before we get into anything we need to talk about us,” I say, pausing to gesture between us. His eyes light with a spark of hope so I carry on, not wanting him to jump to the wrong idea. “Monte, you’re one of my oldest and dearest friends, and I’m so thankful for you trying to protect me and coming up with the plan for the fake engagement, but nothing romantic is going to happen between us.”
His face falls while I’m speaking, and my hand twitches on the desk, unsure of what I should do. I want to reach out to him, to comfort him as he’s done for me, but I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. I need him to hear my words right now rather than reading into my actions too deeply.
“I want to be your friend, but you can’t act like that. You have no right to act possessive over me or undermine my authority,” I say, not wanting to dwell on the dejected look on his face that he quickly shields from me. I carry on, determined to treat him as my beta now since I can’t give into the urge to comfort him, knowing any pity on my part will just insult him. “You know just how many eyes would have been on us out there.”
“I’m supposed to be your fiancé, Sky. How would you expect me to react when you come home in the middle of the morning with another man’s scent on your skin?” He growls, his wolf pupils shifting to the surface for a moment before he slams his lids closed, pushing him back. His words hit me like a slap to the face, and I physically stop myself from reeling back at the venom lacing his tone as he spits the words. I sit higher in my chair, my hands clasped on the table and my body poised to strike at a moment’s notice. This is only getting worse.
“Fakefiancé, Monte, and if you can truthfully sit here and tell me that came from a place of wanting to react the way a fiancé would and not from some misplaced jealousy, that’s one thing. But even then, you need to remember there’s a fine line between concern and control, and speaking to me like you did implies that you have that over me, which is not something that can happen.” I pin him with an incredulous glare.
“Skylar,” he says, his eyes softening, pleading with me, but I refuse to lose my edge. I have to put a barrier between us.
“I know we spent time apart, but I never truly stopped loving you, and all those feelings came rushing back to the surface when you came back.” He sighs scrubbing a hand over his face, his expression unreadable right now.
“Monte, we’re not the same people we used to be back then, and although I do feel comfortable around you, it isn’t the same as it used to be. I don’t feel the same, and I never will.” I sigh, dragging my fingers back through my loose hair, cursing myself for not braiding it in the car. My hair was always my nervous tick, one I can’t afford to let show. “If this is too much for you we should just come clean. Alaric sent a letter after the attack, he knows about Zeke at least. There really isn’t any reason to keep this going on any longer. I appreciate you coming up with the idea, but that was before I found out that Everett is my mate. Those two things have changed everything.”
“Are you kidding Sky, of course there is.” He bolts upright from his chair, gripping the edge of the desk, his face tight with panic. “The pack won’t accept it, especially not to Andino, the ruthless murderer. It was one thing when your father was in charge of the pack, he could have gotten you out of the engagement—the pack trusted him to do what was right for everyone. But they’ll start to rebel if you spring this on them.”
“So you’re saying the pack doesn’t trust me?” I ask, a rumble vibrating out from my chest as I slowly stand. “Goddess, all I’ve done since I’ve gotten back is worry about the pack, perform my duties and push my feelings aside. And now you’re telling me they don’t trust me?”
“That’s not it, Sky,” he stammers, backpedaling as some of the redness drains from his face. “They just don’t know you yet. Give it time. Let’s continue with the engagement for now, and get the priest set up for the severing.”
“The severing is not an option anymore, and I won’t discuss it any further.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I give him a firm look, not wanting to discuss my night with him. And I especially don’t want to mention the fact that I found a third mate, Arsenio, just yet. There’s no way I can sever the bond with Everett, not now, not after everything with Zeke. And if I’m being honest with myself, I probably wouldn’t have even if I hadn’t met Zeke yet, despite what I said to him the day we met.
