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His gaze is sharp, never wavering from mine. “I don’t want to be right.” He’s addressing my earlier admission of him seeing Sam’s true colors from the very beginning.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, biting my cheek to stop the tears.
“Sorry for what?” He’s angry, and he has every right, but his detachment hurts more than him yelling, telling me to go to hell.
“Sorry for what I’ve put you through. Sorry for not congratulating you on your success. Sorry that you saw what you did.” The laundry list is endless, but I decide to stop there.
He growls low as I’ve clearly touched a nerve. “It’s not any worse than what I’ve imagined happening.”
“What?” I wheeze. “Nothing has been happening. That was the first time we…”
He jerks out his palm. “Okay, enough.”
I quickly seal my lips shut, not wanting to do any more damage, but his creased forehead and set jaw have me fearing the damage is already done.
“It meant nothing,” I whisper. “Please believe me when I tell you it’s you, it’s always been you.” He turns his cheek, my confession coming years too late. “Everything I’ve said to you… I meant with all my heart. But along the way, things just got messed up.”
I can’t stand this separation a moment longer. Whatever happens, I need him to know how I feel. How I’ve always felt. I may have taken the long way, but I’m finally home. “Don’t look away from me. Not now.” Charging forward, I cup his face, not giving him any other option but to meet my eyes. The second we touch, my body hums, a sense of peace deluging me. “Please…let me in. I need to know how you feel.”
The pain tears at my center because all I see is unequivocal heartache. Licking his lips, he places his quaking hand over mine. “You had to kiss him…” I take a cavernous breath. “To figure out that I’m the one…but I knew that from the first moment I saw you.” No words can express my shame. “When we were together…did you love him as much as me?” Now I’m the one to look away.
He’s asking me this because yes, he’s accused, but I’ve never confirmed.
A part of me wants to spare him the pain, but lies have paved our paths for so long. I’ve learned I’d rather be hurt with the truth than ever comforted with a lie. The inevitable looms. I can only hope this is the first step toward salvation. “I love Sam…but I love you more.”
He closes his eyes for the briefest of seconds, his desolation silencing us both. “That’s not enough.”
“I know,” I sob, my chest quivering. “Tell m-me what to d-do, and I’ll do it.”
“There’s nothing you can do.” He gently removes himself from my touch.
A guttural cry leaves me, and I doubt I’ll ever be okay. “So this is really it? This is goodbye?”
The air whips and burns, my heart lodging in my throat as I wait for him to reply. “Yes.” Three mundane letters coupled with a lifetime of heartache can change your life forever, and this right here is world-shattering.
“No…no…” I whimper, weeping uncontrollably. “I kn-know you sa-said you learned that w-when people walk aw-away from you, you let them go. Please d-don’t let me g-go. You make me a better person. You think I’m good, but I’m better with you. See, I’m not perfect. I made a mistake. A big mistake. You loved me when I didn’t deserve it. I still don’t, but please…I love you…god, it hu-hurts.” I wrap my arms around my middle, certain my heart is seconds away from spilling out of me.
“You deserve all the love in the world, Lucy. You always have.” There’s a tremble in his fingertips as he wipes away my tears. “But I can’t love you when you love me with only half of your heart. I came over here to tell you I’ve signed the paperwork and I’m leaving for Oregon in the morning. I want nothing more than for you to come with me…but not like this. You and I will always be unfinished business. But there comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page or closing the book, and this is me closing an epic tale. Love shouldn’t be this hard, but it is. I’m tired of fighting with you. With Sam. I wish things could have been different between us because I…love you…so much.” He rushes forward, sweeping me into his arms.
I find shelter in his embrace, hiding away from everything I’ve done.
“I have never loved anyone as much as I do you. Just because I’m letting you go…” His voice cracks, while words left me long ago. “Doesn’t mean I want to. This just hurts…too much.” His confession is my undoing, and I sob violently, choking on my tears. “Remember me with nothing but happy memories…because you’ll always be my reason to smile.”
I can’t…the heartache is too much. But this pain… it’s my forever scar, and I know what I have to do. Scars are tattoos— just with better stories. Mine and Saxon’s love will fill volumes and volumes of books and stay with me evermore because in this tempest of devastation, this is the only thing that makes sense. This is what I should have done the moment my heart was split in two.
Never wanting to let Saxon go, I nestle into his neck, committing to memory how it felt being in his arms. How it felt being his. “Thank you for helping me forget who I was…and remembering who I am. I love you. You’ll always be my hardest goodbye.”
“Goodbye…little Lucy Tucker.”
The end has never been more bittersweet. Although I don’t want to do this, there is no other way. Love has driven my story from the first page, and now, I’ve come to learn that the first person I have to love is myself.
Love is about sacrifice, and there is no bigger sacrifice than letting Saxon go.
What the future holds is a journey I’m ready to take. There really is no question about what I have to do next. So I treasure this man and hold onto the hope that love stories never have an end.
One Week Later
“So you’ve got everything?”
