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Exhaling deeply, I turn back around to face him. His inquisitive eyes search mine, and he doesn’t seem bothered that half my face is painted like the Grim Reaper, and I’m slathered in blood.
“Why would ya think that?” I ask, worried he saw what Liam did.
“’Cause she told me that if she ever left me, it was ’cause she was in heaven, with the angels. But my angel on earth would look after me when she’s gone. I think Cami is my angel.”
My heart clenches at his innocence. “Aye, she’s both of ours.”
Shay nods, mulling over what I shared. “Am I gonna live with you now?”
“How would ye feel about that? Livin’ with Cami and me?”
“What about Sean?”
I pale because if he knew where Sean was now and what I did to him, his answer may change.
“Would ye like to live with him?”
Shay purses his lips as if contemplating both options. “He’s a nice man. He made Mummy smile.”
He did?
Shay’s admission unsettles me because I never factored him into my revenge plans. By killing Sean, I’m taking away his grandfather, someone who Shay clearly likes. But Sean is nothing but poison, and I know sooner or later, he will infect my son.
“But I think I’d like to live with youse.”
I know Shay and I have a lot of catching up to do, but this is progress.
He cocks his head, examining my face. I wonder what he sees. “I like yer face.”
“Which side?” I ask, startled that he isn’t afraid.
“Both sides. Yer half monster, half man.”
Such a childlike way to explain things, but the description is perfect.
“I’m only a monster when I have to be,” I explain, hoping he understands.
And what he says next proves he’s far wiser than his young years.
“Yer a monster to keep the monsters away. Maybe one day I can paint my face too?”
Shaking my head, I drop to a squat in front of him. “Naw, son, I wear this face so you don’t have to. It’s my job to keep the monsters away.”
“But what’s my job then?” he asks, working his bottom lip.
Shay needs to know where he’ll fit in. He thinks if he has a job, he’ll be an integral part of the family. He needs to know that he’s safe, and that Cami and I will never send him away. Losing Aoife will change him forever, and he’s afraid to love. I once was too.
Gripping the back of his neck lovingly, I smile. “I just want ye to be happy. That’s it. I want ya to be happy for yer mum ’cause that’s all she ever wanted for ya. Honor her by livin’ the life she couldn’t.”
Tears well, but Shay sniffs them away. My courage, my stubbornness runs through his veins, and I couldn’t be prouder. This is my son, a piece of me. I’ll do everything to protect him—which is what makes the decision to kill Sean easier.
I may hate like he does. I may thrive in the bloodshed and violence like him, but when it comes to love and honor, we are worlds apart. I needed almost killing him to see that.
Cami and Shay are right—I’m half man, half monster, split right down the middle…and I will need both to help me survive this.
Dawn is my favorite time of the day. A new day brings new hope, and after last night, that’s all Punky and I have—hope that we get out of this alive.
I’ve seen Punky furious before, but last night was something else. For the first time ever—he scared me. I was terrified he was lost to me for good. He snapped, allowing me to see that he has this blinding rage inside him.
