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“The fact that you don’t already know is proof that this isn’t going to work.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you with her,” I tell him, my hands fisting at my sides. “I went to the bathroom and came out to find you with a woman, and you with your hands on her. You did nothing, Alex. Nothing. Who is she? Are you seeing other women? Have you been doing this every night at work when you know I’m not around?”
“Are you fucking serious?” he growls.
“Yes, I’m fucking serious,” I spit back, my anger winning out over my pain. “How many women besides me have you been fucking?”
“You think I’d cheat on you? After everything I’ve shared with you?” he asks angrily, his face a mask of hurt and anger.
“You tell me.”
“I thought yousawme,” he says, pointing at his chest, his eyes blazing. “And yet now you’re looking at like how everyone else in this fucking town does.” I feel that like a slap in the face, but he continues, taking a step closer. “They all think I’m just some bum loser bartender who fucks every woman in sight and has nothing going for him. And now you’re looking at me the same way.”
Taking a step back, I blink away my astonishment. “I don’t think that, Alex,” I whisper. “You know I don’t see you like that.”
“Then how do you see me?”
“How can I trust you?” My voice is small and defeated, and so unlike me. “I knew your reputation, and I knew I’d probably eventually get hurt, but I…” Looking away, I swallow the lump in my throat. I can’t tell him that I love him. I can’t admit that now.
“So, what? You’re done with me? You always knew this would end with me cheating on you?”
“Can you honestly say you wanted me long term?” I ask him, my voice breaking. “I saw you, Alex. As well as the other people in the bar. And you know what? They all looked at me with pity. Pity in that I would be dumb enough to think you’d commit tojustme. How could you?” I growl, pushing him away from me as more tears fall down my cheeks. “You told me I was different, and I believed you!” Swiping at my tears, I cover my face, trying to gather myself again. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m done. We’re done. I want my things, and then I’m gone. And you can go back to doing whatever it is you do. I was obviously just a lapse in judgement for you.”
“So, you’ve got it all figured out then?” he asks, his eyes hard. “I’ll go get your things.” Turning on his heel, he stalks up the steps with a resound purpose, and comes back less than a minute later.
“Here.” Holding my bags out to me, I take them, my eyes fliting up to his. They aren’t the emeralds I love, the ones I crave on me. These are cold, distant, and unfeeling.
“That’s it?” He’s not even going to try and fight for me to stay? That almost hurts just as much as the betrayal.
“What else do you want, Mel? You’ve made up your mind.”
“I guess so.” Giving him one last long look, I go over to my car and place my bags in the back before climbing in the driver’s seat.
Looking through the windshield, I watch Alex’s retreating back as he climbs his stairs. He doesn’t even bother to look back at me while I drive away.
My tears blur my vision, but I swipe at them and focus all my attention on the drive back to the cottage.
There was a part of me that was holding out hope that maybe what I saw wasn’t really what it looked like, but he just confirmed it.
I don’t know how I make it home without crashing or passing out from hyperventilating, but I somehow do, and I take that as a feat.
Grabbing my phone, I take a few calming breaths and call Pam at work and tell her I can’t come in today.
“I’m sorry for the short notice,” I tell her. “I never do this”–I sniff–“but I’m not feeling well. It came on quickly. But I’ll be okay for tomorrow, I promise.”
“Of course, honey, I understand. We’ll be just fine for the day. You take care of yourself. Get some rest.” I can hear her genuine concern for me, and I don’t know if she knows if I’m lying or not, but I know my trembling voice isn’t fake. Even I can hear the raw pain scratching my throat, causing me to sound like I’ve either been screaming my head off or have a slight cold.
Hanging up, I go inside and crawl into bed. Closing my eyes, I hope sleep will claim me quickly, and I hope I don’t dream of all that used to be, and all that could have been.
Chapter 18
My head feels like it weighs ten pounds and is filled with nothing but fog as I peel my eyes open.
The dull light of dusk fills my room, and I turn my head to look out at the shadows of the forest.
Then it all comes back to me.
