AllFreeNovel
Share Us
At some point, I had nothing left in me to cry, leaving my eyes dry, my throat raw, and my cheeks stained with evaporated rivers of tears.
I slept the entire morning and afternoon, and yet I’m still exhausted.
Yawning, I roll out of bed and shuffle my way down to the bathroom. I don’t bother looking at myself in the mirror because I know I’ll just scare myself into crawling back under the covers.
I throw my hair up in a messy bun and grab a bottle of water from the fridge, the cold liquid soothing my throat.
I don’t have much of an appetite, but I know I have to eat, so I heat up some leftovers and sink into the couch to watch some mindless TV.
The only problem though, is that everything I put on has something to do with love and happiness, or heartbreak.
I don’t want to feel any of those things.
I need a little murder and mayhem. That suits my mood much better.
When I finally find a crime show, I tuck my feet up and methodically eat my pasta as I try and guess who the murderer is. I’m going with the scorned wife offing her husband for cheating.
∞∞∞
The days all blur together over the next two weeks. I’ve gone back to living how I used to – work, sleep, repeat. Sometimes I remember to eat a full meal, while other times I don’t feel like doing anything but crawling into bed and praying for the next day to come as quickly as it can.
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
And while I thought time would help, all it’s done is drive me deeper into a place I don’t know if I can crawl out of.
I’ve had a dull ache in my chest for two weeks, and whenever I think ofhim, the ache turns to a sharp pain. And when the memories of us together slip through the wall I’ve built around them, I can’t breathe with how much it hurts.
I didn’t know it would be like this.
He’s still a part of me.
I feel him so close still, like he’s in my blood, my bones, my soul. I can’t get him out of me.
But he hasn’t tried. He hasn’t come to me. He hasn’t done one single thing to prove to me that he’s anything other than a cheating bastard. And I hate to admit that I miss him, but I do.
And I hate to admit that I still want him, but I do.
Flashes of his green eyes haunt me day and night, and even in my dreams, I see them. I seehim. And we’re happy, together, and either riding on his motorcycle, sitting on our little beach, or lying in bed with me draped on top of him as I map out his tattoos with my gentle fingers.
They’re the most beautiful nightmares I’ve ever had.
Ally and Ashley have been calling and texting and showing up at my work to take me to lunch at the café, but I barely talk. I mumble a few responses and then just sit and drink a black coffee while staring at the black and white checkered floor.
Even Ellie has been calling, but I’ve been ignoring her too.
They’ve been giving me my space, knowing that I don’t talk unless I’m ready, and I haven’t been.
Talking about him would be too painful. It’s bad enough in my head, if I put it all of my thoughts and feelings out in the universe, I’m afraid of what will happen. I don’t want to break any more. And I don’t want to be pitied by my friends. They warned me, and I followed my heart instead of my head.
A loud knock at the front door pulls me from my wayward thoughts, and I sit up straight on the couch.
“Mel! Open the damned door!” Ashley yells from the outside. What the hell is she doing here?
Standing slowly, I walk over and open the door, and Ash and Ally push their way inside the house.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Mel, you need to get out of this house. It’s Friday night, and it’s been two weeks. We put up with you processing things in your own way, but now we’re done. Take a shower, get dressed, and put some coverup under those eyes.”
