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There was no denying it though, he was a spitting image of me.
Nothing could prepare a man for this moment, and even though I had tried to figure out what I would say to him, I couldn’t find the words.
But I whispered, “Hi Ollie. I’m your dad… I’m sorry for not being here for you, but I promise, I will do everything I can to get you well again.”
I leaned down and pressed my lips to his forehead.
His tiny body again stirred beneath me, and a soft sound came from his lips. I backed away, feeling like I might’ve scared him.
“It’s okay, baby,” Grace said, rushing to his other side. “Mommy’s here.”
“Mommy…” the little boy wheezed.
His brown eyes scanned the room and landed on me.
“Hi Ollie,” I said.
“Ollie, this is Alex. He’s your–” She looked over at me as if asking permission to tell him the truth.
“Can I tell him?” I asked.
She nodded. “Please do. He deserves to know you.”
“Hi Ollie, I’m your dad.” I stepped closer to him now. His eyes remained steady on me, as if taking me in.
“Dad?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, then turned to Grace. “Does he know what a dad is?”
Asking that question broke my heart.
“He has an idea, yes. Many of his friends have dads or stepdads, and he’s asked why he doesn’t have one, but well, I didn’t have an answer for him.”
As if my heart couldn’t break anymore.
Way to go, Alex. You fucked up a child you didn’t even know existed. That must be a world record.
“Yes, Ollie, I’m your dad, and I’m sorry I haven’t met you until now.”
Ollie looked between me and his mother, as if trying to figure out the situation. Grace held onto his little hand, comforting him.
“I hope I can get to know you, Ollie. Would you like to get to know me?” I had no idea how to talk to a three-year-old.
He nodded. “Can we play I Spy?”
Grace and I both chuckled as she explained, “He loves playing little games like that. I’m glad he’s feeling well enough to even ask.”
“Of course, we can play I Spy, little man. We can do whatever you like. We’ll have to save the baseball and Disneyland for when you’re feeling better, though.”
Grace gave me a look.
“What?” I asked her.
“Don’t promise things unless you mean them, Alex.”
“I mean it.”
“But last night, you said–”
