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And I swore I’d never kiss another.
Never love another.
The familiar anger sweeps through my blood. Anger at a young driver who decided to drink and get behind the wheel. Anger at the weather that made it difficult to drive safely. Anger at time I can’t have back. Anger at the man I loved with my entire being for leaving me alone and afraid.
And I am.
Completely alone and wholly afraid.
Resentment and fear seem to be all I have anymore, and as the all too familiar sensations slam into my body, I do what I do best: hide it. Push it aside. Sweep it under the rug. Grab my cleaning supplies and scrub the bathroom until you could eat filet mignon off my floor with a freaking plastic fork.
By the time I’m finished, my bathroom is spotless and I’m completely exhausted. But do you know what I’m not doing? Thinking about Josh. I’m not lost in the sea of despair, being pulled under by powerful and unforgiving memories.
I’m too tired to think, and that’s when I know it’s finally time for bed. I may not get much sleep before his memory visits me, but at least I know I’ll be able to steal a few hours before he arrives.
And he will.
Like clockwork most night, I’ll be seeing Josh Harrison in my dreams.
