Page 50 of X My Heart


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He grins, and in that moment he looks like the twenty-year-old surfer dude my mom fell in love with. “Best pies in Chula Vista.”

“You still surf?” I ask, changing the subject, motioning to the picture of him catching a big monster wave.

He follows my gaze, “Yeah, that one was in Hawaii about ten years ago,” running a hand through his long hair, he puts his cap on backwards again. We spend the better part of the evening talking about his early surfing days, and the moment he got hooked on BMX. I tell him about mom and my life in New York. I love our time together, it isn’t forced or awkward, we’re getting comfortable with each other again. And maybe one day I can tell him everything.

I wake in the middle of the night, I’m drenched in sweat and gasping for air. My legs are cramping and I need to throw up. My tongue feels like sandpaper. I try to move my fingers but I can’t. I’m starting to get scared.

My breathing intensifies with every gulp of air I try to fill my lungs with. No, stop it! I need to breathe. Breathe, Sky, breathe! I order myself.

Then Hunter’s smiling face flashes through my mind. The way his eyes light up when he’s talking about something he loves. The way his lips curl into a bad-boy grin.

I wiggle my fingers and then my toes. Taking a deep breath I get myself under control. Pulling myself up and out of bed, trying to feel my way in the darkness, I stumble into the bathroom. I turn on the lights and grab the sink for support.

I want to disappear. I want to hide myself away in New York. I can’t deal with the pain, love, rejection. Kneeling to the floor, I bury my head in my hands.

I cry until the morning light shines through the window.

Holding onto the banister with two hands I make my way downstairs, looking at the clock, it isn’t even six.

I open the door and Jay is sitting on the porch wearing last night’s clothes.

“Hey, Jay,” I say taking a seat next to him.

Jay quickly runs his hands under both his eyes like he’s trying to hide his tears. Hanging his head, he buries his face in his hands. “Hey, baby.”

“Have you been sitting here the whole night?” I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen him like this before. He always carries himself with this happy go lucky surfers’ attitude, like everything will work itself out. This time it won’t.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Damn it, Sky, you’re as stubborn as I am. I thought last night you’d open up to me. And I told that boy to stay the fuck away from you.”

I lean against the cushions. “Why are you mad? Because we didn’t follow your rules? Why did you warn him about me?”

“You know why,” he mumbles, locking eyes.

“No, I don’t, Dad. Because he fucks around—is that it? Or you think I’m not good enough for your precious broken prodigy?” I ask, stumbling over my words, while I fight against my own tears. I know I should stay far away from Hunter. I don’t want to hurt him.

“You’re so far from the truth, kiddo, it’s not even funny,” Jay drawls, putting his baseball cap on backwards.

“Well, I was having fun with him. You should try it sometimes,” I counter.

“You were having fun,” he grumbles. “Does he know what’s going on with you?”

I snort. “No. Do you?”

“I do, kid,” he says, matter-of-fact.

“W… What do you mean?” my breath catches, my heart hammering in my ears.

“Your mom called me, sweetheart, after the last race. She told me everything.”

“She what? That’s why you said you weren’t expecting me ‘so soon’ the first day I got here?”

“We still talk sometimes, Sky.”

“Why?”

“Because we share a daughter, for heaven’s sake,” he seethes. “Fuck, kid, I’m going at this all wrong. What I mean to say is…”

“A daughter,” I repeat, sarcasm ringing through my voice.

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