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"Well, welcome to Seattle. I'm happy to be your first friend."
"Thanks! He tried to set me up with the girls in his office, but I'm not a child who needs playdates. I can make my own friends, and he'll be thrilled to learn I did."
I can't help but laugh. Damn, this girl is forward and way too open. Must be the blonde in her.
I can relate to needing friends, though. After the accident, my friends didn't know how to speak to me anymore, and then I moved back home to Washington on a whim and deleted my personal social media accounts. I haven't talked to my so-called friends in nearly a year. All I have is my family. I guess when you think about it, I'm also alone.
Shaking my head and willing the thought away, I brush a piece of my black hair behind my ear and focus on the woman in front of me. Something tells me she enjoys talking about herself, so I ask, "So, Karina, what do you do for work?"
"I'm a housewife. My husband is an architect who travels a lot, so I book all his trips. Keeps me busy, but once we have children, they'll be my full-time job. What do you do?" she asks after her proud declaration. I watch the moment her eyes light up and her lips curl into a grin. I know what she's staring at. "What a gorgeous ring! Are you married?” She pulls my hand across the table toward her, inspecting the large diamond on my left ring finger.
Great. Here we go—one of my two least favorite topics.
"Uh... um... wow, look at the time." I pull my hand away, and her confused blue eyes meet mine.
Nope. No.
No fucking way am I having this conversation with a stranger.
I'm about to make up a bullshit story when my phone begins ringing.
Thank you, Jesus. Perfect fucking timing.
Picking up my phone from the table, I smile when I see Spencer's name on the screen. "Sorry, Karina, I must get going. I'm late for something. It was great to meet you." I decline the call, sending a quick text to my sister, telling her I'll call her back in a few minutes once I get to my car.
"I understand. Can I get your number? Maybe we can do lunch this week?" There’s an abundant mixture of hope and loneliness in Karina's eyes. There's no reason to rain on her parade. She’s clearly a bored housewife needing a friend.
"Sure, you can text me, and we can arrange something." I grab a pen from my purse and write my number down on a napkin.
Waving her goodbye, I stand and run across the street, slipping behind the wheel of my car once I reach it. Taking a deep breath, I call Spencer back.
"Come over. I'm waiting for you. I've got wine, ice cream, and I just ordered Chinese food,” she says as soon as she answers the phone, not even bothering to say hello first.
For the first time all day, I'm silent, overwhelmed with the emotions that I've been holding in for far too long.
I’m not a robot, although I wish I was. I feel so much sadness and heartbreak, even when I don’t want to. I’ve just become an expert at burying my feelings.
I was fifteen when I began pushing my feelings aside. And all the feelings I had left were buried along with my son.
"Camille, come to me. Let me take care of you," Spencer says. She knows exactly how I feel and what I need. I nod, aware she can't see me. Hanging up, I pull out of the parking lot just as the first tear rolls down my cheek.
With shaky hands and teary eyes, I drive to my sister—my lifeline.
Twenty minutes later,I pull into the driveway of Spencer's two-story townhouse and park in front of the garage. She's standing in the doorway with her arms outstretched, waiting for me.
My car is barely even in park when I jump out and run toward her on shaky legs. She pulls me in for a tight hug and lets me collapse against her and soak her gray T-shirt with my tears.
She holds me tightly against her, stroking my dark hair away from my face. "It's okay, baby sis. Cry until you can't cry anymore. I've got you." It's been so long since I've cried, and now that the flood gates are open, I can't seem to close them. It feels good to let out my pain.
I cry for myself.
I cry for my sweet baby boy, Luca.
I cry for failing to protect him.
I cry for everything that I've been through over the past year.
I cry until I can't cry anymore. And Spencer is there holding me the entire time.
