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“Yes, that’s true.”
“Lily said she was molested by someone but refused to name them on her paperwork. She said it happened at age nine.”
Iris felt her heart plummet to her feet.
“I… I didn’t know. She never told me about it.”
“She said she felt the urge to hurt herself around fifteen…”
“Yes, Mama said she went through a brief period where she’d bang her head. I saw her do it once, but Mama said it was more times than that. Tonight though… She… she put… a knife to her neck and started to cut.” Iris moaned and blinked back tears. The terror she felt at that moment, of seeing Lily slicing into her neck, she’d not soon forget.
“It’s all right, Iris. I know. We’ve got a copy of the police report from tonight.” The nurse spoke about these atrocious things in such a calm and soothing voice. It helped relax her a bit. “Lily stated she doesn’t recall having sex with anyone when she became pregnant with her daughter and thought maybe she was like the virgin Mary…”
“What? Lily went through a stage where she was sleeping with a lot of men, so that’s not true. She always got a lot of attention from guys, and men would sometimes use her.”
“Mmm hmm, okay. Would you say your sister is impulsive?”
“Very. It seems like every other day when we were in our twenties, she would have a new idea, start on it, then not finish, and she started getting real moody, too. She’d go and do dangerous things without thinking it through, like hitchhiking, and meeting people she didn’t know in bad parts of town.”
“Got it.” The nurse kept writing notes.
“Does Lily have any more children?”
“No. She got her tubes tied.”
“Okay, yes, I see that now,” The nurse flipped to another page, checked it out, then flipped back to where she’d been reading previously. “Lily stated she felt religious at age nineteen or so, and studied the Bible. She considered becoming a minister. Would you say she became highly religious?”
“I don’t remember anything like that.” Iris shrugged. “But she could be telling the truth. Even though we used to tell each other everything, I realize that some stuff, she kept a secret.” She batted away tears.
“Lily stated she began drinking a lot at sixteen, and smoking marijuana at around age twenty-one.”
“Yes, we both did for a period of time. I stopped after a few months. I actually had gotten caught with it and ended up in trouble. I was never heavily into it anyway. It gave me headaches sometimes. She kept on though. It got to the point where she had to drink every single day, and I rarely saw her without some weed.”
“Since you’ve brought yourself up, I hope you don’t mind me asking you this. Have you ever had bouts of depression?”
Iris turned to fully face her, confused.
“You already asked me about family mental illness.”
“Yes, I did, honey, but feeling depressed sometimes is not seen as a mental illness, especially if it’s not what we call Dysthymia, which is chronic or major depression. There are things like seasonal depression, for example. Meaning, it has a direct cause and effect, and it goes away in time.”
“Oh.” She swallowed. “Well, yes, I’ve been depressed in my life every now and again…”
“Mmm hmm, okay, what about your mother?”
Iris began to feel prickly and put on the spot. She wanted to grab her purse and walk away. Why was the spotlight on her? Why weren’t they helping her sister instead of asking these invasive questions? She looked down at the floor.
Deep down, she knew why.I’ve got to be honest. I can’t shut myself off like this. I’m trying to raise my niece to face the truth and be brave. I have to lead by example. Don’t matter if she’s asleep. I know what I’ve done and not done, regardless of whether her eyes are open or not. I’ve got to break the cycle…
“Yes. Mama suffered from depression for years, according to her therapist.”
“Anyone else in the family?”
“Probably, I just can’t confirm any of it. We’ve been through a lot as a family, especially after Daddy died.”
The nurse patted her hand.
“That’s understandable. Iris, don’t think that I or anyone else in this facility is judging you, all right? I could tell by how you looked a second ago, you were uncomfortable, and maybe even getting defensive, but you kept your composure. You’re used to being in control? Collected?”
