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Pro—money is better.
Con—occasionally, the club gets shot up.
In defense of my decision, it had been over two years since the last attack directly on Urban, and most people knew better than to go straight to the source of power. Although a little over a year ago, there had been a smattering of attacks on other bars, clubs, and buildings owned by Emrick. But there were also arson attacks on those owned by his competitors, and they seemed to have stopped as abruptly as they started.
These happenings probably shouldn’t be public knowledge, but things had a way of getting around in this city, especially when it came to power struggles within the crime world. It was best to know who was on top so you knew where to tread carefully.
Hint—tread carefully everywhere.
I had gathered information from the girls at Urban as well as acquaintances working at other places that were an integral part of the nightlife, and strung all the snippets together to know more than I should.
Another good rule to abide by—keep your damn mouth shut.
I got my foot in the door at Urban to be a waitress and bartender through my friend, Maddie, whom I’d grown up with. It was time to earn some tips and bonuses, and I didn’t even have to get naked to do it. I had no issue with my body, but I’d rather be in control of who saw it if I could, and while the strip club, The Palace, was a good place to make money, a job where I could keep my clothes on was better, especially if I made evenmoredoing it.
Only once had I broken my rule about sleeping with patrons from The Palace, and it was fucking worth it. The man was a goddamn animal in bed and somehow managed to wear out three other girls and me on the same night. The next morning, he’d unceremoniously kicked us from his penthouse apartment, shouting for us toget outwithout moving himself, which somewhat cheapened the experience. But then again, I was hardly expecting him to ask me out on a date following an orgy. Shy wasn’t a word I’d attach to myself, although ask my friends from high school, and they certainly would—shy Cara, innocent Cara. But they didn’t know the truth of the things I had seen and done, and while I kept it tucked so deep inside for years, I barely spoke a word to anyone but Maddie.
Since then, I’ve accepted the darkness in me. I was messed up, and while I could try not to be, what was the point? Accepting that part of myself was liberating and only awakened further by that wild night. Something ignited the darkest part of me, and I looked back at my past with new insight with every year that passed. I had made mistakes, done things I’d give anything—including my life—to take back. But every step I’d taken since then had made me, and I wasn’t shy or quiet Cara anymore. I was a force to be reckoned with in an unassuming body.
All this simply reinforced my mundane life in this city was pointless and wasn’t making me happy anymore.
I wondered if it ever did make me happy.
So, while I had no debt and wasn’t in trouble with any loan sharks, I needed the money.
Because I needed to get out of this city as far and as fast as I could. To make as much cash as possible the only way I knew how, given I was unskilled and didn’t have much of an education to speak of. The schools in the city weren’t exactly known for their scholars and graduate opportunities, and the opportunities which did exist were limited when everyone was going for the same few available. It’s either who you know or who you’re willing to sleep with.
If you were at the wrong end of the city, like Maddie and me, you were basically screwed anyway. Look out for yourself, never fully trust anyone.
God, it sounded worse than it was. We had good times, but my friendship and loyalty didn’t extend to not getting the hell out of dodge when I could.
This brought me to Urban. I wanted money,neededmoney, to save as much as I could, get out of here, and buy myself a new identity and life.
No one would come looking for me. Then I could be whoever I wanted, and while I wasn’t sure who that was yet, it had to be better than bouncing around between jobs here. Maybe I’d finally find my place in this world, a place where there were other people with darkness in them like mine, and I didn’t have to pretend.
A place where the gun under my pillow felt more like a toy and less like a necessity.
Every corner of this city reminded me of the small pocket of my life I’d rather forget.
The memories were so strong, I couldn’t escape them, and they haunted me. Behind the bright smile was an understanding that with the darkness came a monster, a monster who lived and breathed inside me and wanted me to let it take over.
Maybe with a new name in a new place, I could forget.
Maybe.
Emrick sat up there on the balcony overlooking the club and dance floor the entire night of my first shift, wearing sunglasses no less as if he were some kind of celebrity. I wondered if he did it every night, and if he was looking for anyone in particular or simply observing. Or perhaps it was an intimidation tactic to remind the occupants he was present and not to be messed with.
Then my mind wandered, and I wondered what his voice sounded like and if all the stories I’d heard about the things he’d done were true. There was something terrifying and exhilarating about being even this close to a man like him. He had his shit figured out. He was a dark man, that much I knew, but he wasunapologeticallydark. He didn’t try to hide it under false pretenses and didn’t try to fit into the world which rejected him. From what I heard, if he needed to take a life, he did, and that was that—no second-guessing, simply business.
Some messed-up part of me envied him. He’d found freedom in the darkest place.
Being this close, both via my employment and now physically, while terrifying and exhilarating, another word swirled around in my mind, knocking into the others like bumper cars and reminding me to be smart.
Dangerous.
I needed to keep my head down and work as many hours as they would let me have, then get out, find my own place where I could be unapologetically me—darkness, monsters, and all.
It hadn’t escaped my attention that wondering too much about a man like Emrick could land me in trouble.
