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“You look very tense for a man who spent all night doing what we did,” I say as I walk over and slide a mug under the spout of the coffee machine, jabbing the button for a double shot. It whirs and the noise makes me jump, even though I’m expecting it. My nerves are frayed.
I don’t want this to end. Not yet, I’m not ready.
“We need to talk,” he replies.
“We’re already talking.” I pick up the cup but can’t find the strength to bring it to my lips. Instead I let the warmth seep from the china into my palms.
“I’m moving on from this thing with Marc... He’s obviously not coming back to the company. The deal with Livingstone is moving forward, albeit slowly. But I think I’ve done as much damage control as I can there.” He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “As for the reputation damage, there are still detractors, but I think I’ve put you through enough.”
Sunlight streams in as if it’s the most perfect day in existence. Just more proof that the world continues to turn, no matter what.
“I can handle it,” I say, even though inside I feel like I’m doing anythingbuthandling it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“It’s not your responsibility to pay for my mistakes,” Daniel says darkly. “You don’t owe me anything.”
It feels like some cruel message from the universe, some dark foreshadowing. Like a higher being is trying to tell me the very thing I already know:you want something he can’t give you.
“What does that mean for our plans?” I sip my coffee, but it tastes like nothing.
“It means that we can transition out of this arrangement.”
Arrangement.The word hits like a cricket bat to the stomach. “It seems a little callous to call it that now, don’t you think?”
“Does it?” He spears me with a look.
This is it. He wants to know where I stand, and I don’t think it’s for the same reason I want to know wherehestands. He’s in damage-control mode. Protection mode. My access to the soft space behind his walls is gone. A door has been slammed in my face.
“Well, I know itwasan arrangement at first but...”
“We got together because we both had a problem to solve. Our being together was a solution.”
How could he reduce what we’ve shared to such binary terms? My blood boils, because Iknowexactly what he’s doing: pushing me away. “Was last night a solution? Or the week before? Or in France?”
The cool facade cracks and for a brief flash there’s something real and raw. He’s determined to shut me out. To keep me in my place.
“The sex isn’t business, you know that.” The sigh he lets out is long and weary. “I’m incredibly attracted to you and it curbed my judgement. I had a moment—several moments—of weakness where I gave in and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Sorry. Like he accidently bumped into me in the hallway. Sorry, like he spilled some coffee on my book. Sorry, like we’re acquaintances instead of lovers.
“Well, I’mnotsorry. I’m not sorry we slept together and I’m not sorry I told you everything I did. This might have started as a ‘business arrangement’ but that’s not how it’s going to end. At least not for me.”
There, I’ve opened up the floodgates. No turning back now.
“Ava—”
“I know there’s something between us and you feel it, too. The way you look at me...” To my utter horror, I feel tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I will bedamnedbefore I cry in front of him. I put my coffee down and square my shoulders, mustering every ounce of courage I have. “It’s not fake. It’snotfor show.”
For a moment he says nothing. That’s Daniel, always processing...like a computer.
Let me in.
I know he won’t. But I can’t be like my mother, always doing the thing that feels safest. Always putting security before passion. Always being frightened of getting hurt.
If I never chase what I want, then I’ll be hurting anyway.
“It’s lust. You turn me on more than any other woman I’ve ever known... But I can’t give you more than that. I won’t make the same mistakes as every other idiot in my family.” His face is like carved ice, like marble and stone and concrete. Glittering and hard. “If I don’t learn that lesson, then what was the point of any of this?”
“What lesson, Daniel? That people are disposable? That they can be bought?”
