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But spontaneously deciding to leave? Talk about overreaction.
I’m pissed off with myself for speaking my mind too. I said those things in a desperate and misguided attempt to persuade Tegan to stay. She’s right. I’m a dickhead who needs to engage brain before opening mouth. When I walked away, I could've smacked myself; I know Tegan wanted to. I wouldn't touch another girl, not while she wanted me. Us.
Would I?
The rest of the day, I search my heart, asking myself that question over and over. I fought for Tegan and told the world. I'm sure drunk Jax would remember this. Surely, Tegan's buried deep enough into my subconscious that I wouldn't forget her when I was out with the guys and my brain was on standby.
Then there's the other possibility. What if Tegan doesn't come back? How long do I wait for her? Is she saying this is over?
28
JAX
Evidently, when Tegan makes a decision, she doesn't hang around because she's catching an evening flight back to England. An hour after our argument, Tegan called me and told me her plans. I didn’t think she’d actually go, but I half-understand why she is. This conversation was calmer and, when we met to say goodbye, I apologised. Tegan did too, and I told her she was teaching me ‘how to adult’. Tegan laughed, and said I had a long way to go yet. Yeah, so does she.
Even though I repeatedly told Tegan how much I would miss her; held and kissed her until I was sure she understood, some of the distance between us remained. Thanks to my idiot comments earlier in the day, the affection in her eyes has retreated.
Watching Tegan walk away flipped my stomach. My obsession with her leads to a fear I’ve never had around a girl before: will Tegan come back?
I headed to the sound check, dizzied by the events of the day, worrying whether my apology was enough. The distraction led to stupid mistakes as we rehearsed. After half an hour, a pissed off Ruby pulled me to one side and asked what the hell is wrong with me. I mumbled the story to her so the twins couldn’t hear, and she shoved me, informing me I should go to the airport and catch Tegan before she leaves.
I'm torn. The band has sound issues, which are taking us longer than usual to fix; I can't go on stage tonight unless I’m sure everything is fixed. Nothing comes before my music. In a blinding jolt to the head, the truth hits. Tegan’s up there as equal first right now. How? There’s no logic, something unexplainable about this girl consumes me. The decision is made - I can’t let Tegan leave thinking shit about me.
* * *
Tegan waits for her flight in the VIP lounge at Vienna airport. When I arrive, I glance around the lounge at the elderly businessman reading a large newspaper, and a well-dressed couple eating the complimentary sandwiches. Nobody who'd be interested in the rock star and his girlfriend.
I hesitate in the doorway for a few minutes, the airport announcements echoing around as I watch her. Unsurprisingly, she's on her laptop. Tegan’s long brown hair is pulled into a ponytail exposing her long neck, full lips pursed as she focuses, and I catch my breath. This beautiful girl stands out from everybody around her and fills my world. What the hell am I thinking? Nobody else could take her place.
When I sit on the upholstered seat next to Tegan, she looks up. “Jax?”
“Sure is.” I curl my fingers around her hand. “Had to say goodbye.”
Tegan's surprise turns to the smile I ached for when I said goodbye earlier. She squeezes my fingers. “You already said goodbye at the hotel. I didn’t expect you to come down here. I thought you were rehearsing?”
“Yeah, but I wanted one last kiss before you left and to let you know how important you are. I need you to know I’ll wait for you.”
She sighs. “You're a strange guy. Frustrating the hell out of me with your idiot comments one minute, and hitting me with romance the next.”
I hook a finger through the leather necklace around Tegan’s neck and pull the jade pendant from beneath her t-shirt. “What can I say? You bring out the worst and best in me.”
“Jax, do you understand why I need a break from all this?”
“Yes and no. I'm confused.” I drop the necklace and run my fingers along her soft cheek. “Do you mean a break from us or a break from the tour?”
“The tour. I'm coming back, probably after the weekend. I need to get my head together.”
“Good.”
She fights a smile. “Besides, I fought hard enough with Bryn to stay on tour. He was right about how crazy all this is, but he doesn't get rid of me that easily!”
How could I expect any less from her? “So, four days?”
“Yeah, hardly any time.”
I stick my bottom lip out. “Too long.”
“Well, hopefully you can keep everything in your pants for that long!”
