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“Same,” I tell them. “It’s been difficult finding time to get over here. Work, you know?”
Understatement of the world. It’s been a rough few months, my job as a caseworker taking over every spare moment of my life. Most days, I barely have enough energy to microwave a cup of noodles before crashing into my bed. And on my rare days off, where I don’t have any visits or emergency placements, I spend the few free hours I get catching up on mundane adult chores like laundry and cleaning. Or if I’m lucky enough to let my mind shut off, sleep.
I can’t remember the last time I strung together the energy and the time to visit my favorite club. Even now, I’m short on the energy I would prefer to have for a night at The Garden. I’m running on a late-afternoon cup of coffee and pure need right now.
“I get it. Well, come on,” they say, pulling my hand to follow them. “Let’s get you checked in.”
Aspen steps behind their desk to scan my membership card and then hands me a silicone bracelet so I can attach my selection of charms. The Garden’s flagging system is a bunch of circular, colored charms that attach to the band. It easily allows patrons to identify one another once inside.
“What have you been up to? How’s life going?” Aspen asks from beside me.
I shrug as I start selecting and attaching my charms for the night. “Work and more work. I thought I would love this job a bit more, but it’s taking it out of me.”
“You still working with Child Protective Services?”
“Yeah,” I say with a sigh.
“You don’t sound happy about it,” they comment.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, to an extent. Being able to help these kids and finding a way to give families the resources they need to stay together. But I severely underestimated the hours I would be putting in. It’s not exactly a five-day, nine-to-five.”
All I wanted to do my whole life is make a difference in this world. Even if it’s only for one person. Everything I studied to become, my acceptance of this job, was for that one reason.
Because how can I make a bigger impact in this world than in the life of a child?
Yet, I’ve been saddled with a department full of assholes unwilling to give these kids a fighting chance because their own bigotry shines a little too bright.
I was prepared to deal with the blatant homophobia that tends to run circles around government-funded offices, but I was not ready for how it would translate into these so-called professionals’ work ethics. Any case that even remotely brushes against an LGBTQ+ issue is handed my way, the other caseworkers deeming them unworthy of their time.
It’s bad enough the tragedy I see when I’m forced to interfere in a household, especially regarding abuse cases. But the ones with my rainbow-bright kiddos? They’re worse.
The same stories, the same trauma, the same knowledge of physical and emotional pain. Only these situations come with the extra heartache of the unconditional love they once thought they had no longer being their reality.
Carrying the weight of it all is exhausting. But I won’t stop, even if it means I’m overworked, underpaid, and for damn sure underappreciated.
“Gah, I can’t even imagine. I barely handle the few hours I put in here.”
Attaching the last charm to my band, I step back and swing my arm around Aspen’s shoulders. “That’s because you, my friend, are the most spoiled kitten in the world.”
“A title I am proud to wear, thank you very much.”
I laugh, pushing them away. “I bet.”
“If you’re so busy, how’d you manage to swing coming here tonight?”
“Stupid vacation policy,” I say. “We have a use it-or-lose it system. I was pretty much forced to take a couple of days off.”
I am in desperate need of a break, but I have a feeling that while I’m away, my cases won’t be attended to with the same care I would use. These two days I’ve been forced to endure are causing me more anxiety than anything else.
“I’m certain you are the only person I’ve ever met who would complain about time off.”
“Pluses and minuses.” I shrug. “Besides, I figured I could stand for a change of scenery.”Or a night to let go in a safe place.
Between the stress and the exhaustion, a little playtime could do me some good. Even though it means I won’t get through the pile of laundry that’s somehow accumulated in my bedroom or finally mop the kitchen floor like I planned.
Sometimes you have to make concessions. And for the sake of my mental stability, I am.
“Oh! I can’t believe I almost forgot.” Aspen jumps in place, clapping their hands together. “Actually, it’s great you’re here tonight.”
