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A moment later, my shimmering light emanated around me before spreading, reaching for him. He smiled as it effortlessly climbed over him, encompassing both of us in my shield.
“Much better.” My cheeks hurt from grinning. We figured it out. There wasn’t anything wrong with either of us. He didn’t secretly hate me, nor I him. We just needed to recognize the feel of one another.
“I can’t believe all we needed to do was kiss. I should have suggested that on day one.” He winked, and I giggled.
“Next time, we’ll know what to do.”
His eyes searched my face before finally meeting mine. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
I leaned forward and kissed him briefly. “Never.”
When I sat back, disbelief, wonder, and unspoken words hung heavy between us. I could feel those three words with an impossibly important meaning bubble up in my throat, and I swear I could see Gavin struggling with the same realization, but neither of us opened our mouths.
Not yet. I rationalized. It was still too soon.
Plus, how was I supposed to handle sharing that single phrase with five of them? Did it matter to them who I said it to first? It didn’t change the significance to me, but what if it did for one or more of them? It wasn’t like I wanted to make a blanket statement in front of all of them at once. That would feel meaningless.
Why did he hesitate? Did he have the same fear? Did he wonder if I felt the same way? I wanted to reassure him, but something stopped me. The same thing that always did when I got close to admitting my feelings to any of them.
I should be ready to tell all of them before I told one. That was some strange rule I came up with without really thinking about it. It was an excuse. I was well aware of that. It was something for me to hide behind because, if I let myself really think about it, I did feel that way about Luca and Sky and Noah and Vince and Gavin. There were some deeper connections –– shared moments that made my heart open to them more than with the others, but that was only a matter of time and opportunity. I felt with absolute certainty that I would get to the same point with all of them eventually.
So I would wait until that happened.
“Ave?” I barely heard him.
I glanced up, only then realizing I’d been staring at the ground next to him.
“What are you thinking?”
My instinct was to be honest. Admit that my heart had managed to be evenly divided in five without my permission or knowledge. I never thought it would be possible to feel this way about one person in my life, let alone five. The old me that still resided somewhere in the back of my mind wanted to deny it. Focus on what was considered normal and socially acceptable. Reject every emotion and squash them until I forgot what it was like to care about someone this deeply. That version of me believed I’d one day forget and move on. I’d find one guy to give my whole heart to. That one person to spend my life with.
Old me craved a stable, predictable life, one like she never really had before.
I knew better now though. I knew there was more beyond the labels society forced on us. It was possible to love several people with every ounce of your being. It was true. As factual and real as inhaling and exhaling. The science and proof existed, despite not everyone completely understanding.
“How much my life has changed.”
The light in his eyes dimmed. “And how do you feel about that?”
“I can’t quite figure out how I got so lucky.” I stared at him, not letting him doubt my words, and he finally smiled.
“I’d argue that I’m the lucky one. We all are.” He let out a single laugh, “I don’t know what drew you to that room the night of the party or what made you comfortable enough to sit down and play with Noah, Sky, and Vince, but I’m grateful every day that it happened. I can’t imagine life without you in it anymore.”
“Me either.” I tried and simply couldn’t fathom it. “Every future I dream up includes all of you.”
There was that look again. The one that told me he was keeping something to himself. Before things could get heavy and words spilled out of me before I was truly ready, I sat up straight.
“I felt something when I was bringing up my shield. I think I know how to stop it from leaving my body.”
His brows rose, “Really? Let’s try it.”
“You’ve got to hurt me, so we know if it works or not.” He cringed, but I wasn’t going to let him back out. “It’s the only way we’ll know.”
He sighed but finally agreed.
I closed my eyes, bringing my focus in on where my ability was housed and allowing it to fill me. There was a moment of pressure––resistance––and I held it in place. I blinked and nodded to Gavin.
His eyes studied my exposed arms. “I don’t see anything.”
