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Fifteen
An entire weekpassed with me pretending things were fine while sharing little looks with Luca, asking silent questions and receiving discrete shakes of his head in response. It was getting harder to remain patient. Going through the motions of training and practicing self-defense and working on my shield was getting too monotonous to distract me from the questions floating in my mind.
I wasn’t making much progress with my mental barrier, so my shield still formed outside of me. I had a suspicion that I wouldn’t get any better until I could truly clear my mind and that wouldn’t happen until I was able to look through the information the Society had on Juliet with my own eyes.
“Are you okay?” Gavin asked for the third time since we sat down across from each other in his theater room. We were surrounded by pillows and blankets in an attempt to make it as comfortable and stress-free as possible, but it wasn’t enough to settle my mind.
“A bit distracted,” I admitted.
He nodded. Even though he hadn’t said anything, I knew he’d picked up on my distraction for the past several days.
“Do you want to try something else?”
“Sure.” I doubted it would result in any improvement, but I didn’t want to have to tell him why I couldn’t focus. Luca hadn’t told him about our plans to sneak into headquarters. I asked him not to. Not until it was too late for Gavin to back out or warn anyone else. Kidnapping might have to take place, but I was pretty confident he would forgive us. Eventually.
He scooted closer until our knees were touching and reached for my hands, holding them in his between us. “Close your eyes and try to relax your mind.”
I did as he said to try to push away any unrelated thoughts. All I needed to think about was here and now. Being present.
Gavin’s hands were warm and familiar. He stroked my palm with his thumb. I inhaled the clean scent of his favorite body wash. Just him and this moment.
“I’m going to push away my barrier, and you try to lift your shield out.” His voice was low and gentle.
I squeezed my left hand to let him know I heard and began opening the chest where my shield resided and let it expand, first filling me then spreading out. I realized then that I felt that tipping point when it reached the edge of my body before spilling around me. That was where I needed to try to stop it. To see if I could hold it on my skin, invisible but still effective.
Later. I would try later when Gavin wasn’t waiting for me.
I peeked open one eye and dropped my shoulders. My shield was surrounding me, pushing up against Gavin, but avoiding him completely.
It had to be his mental barrier blocking me out. It was the most rational explanation anyone had been able to come up with. When Tessa voiced it, Gavin had been upset but didn’t argue its validity. His barrier was too strong. That was why he was able to control his invisibility so well from the first day. But it was hard for him to let it go, and trust those around him.
I wasn’t surprised by the explanation. It wasn’t that Gavin didn’t want to let me in, it just didn’t come naturally for him.
“Keep your eyes closed,” I whispered.
I waited for a beat to make sure he did then leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I meant only for a gentle, short kiss, but his hands tugged mine to his chest before wrapping around my neck. He wanted this more than I expected.
I relinquished control to him as he deepened the kiss and stroked his thumb along my jaw. It was so tender I melted into him a bit more. Maybe I wanted this too. Not just a peck but the feeling of being in his arms and touching his skin. It had been far too long.
His other hand slid into my hair, cupping the back of my head as I gripped his shoulders then turned my head to change the angle of our connection. He let out a low growl when I grazed his lips with my tongue, and he responded by opening his mouth to me.
The air around us changed, and I pulled back just enough to see my shield encircling us both. I smiled and waited for Gavin to open his eyes.
“Ave.” His voice filled with wonder.
“We did it.”
“You let me in,” I whispered.
His eyes met mine, understanding finally setting in.
“That’s what that feeling is,” he said, mostly to himself. “I fought it because it felt foreign, invasive, but that was you. It was your shield trying to reach me.”
His explanation made sense even though I’d never felt what he was describing.
I reached back and moved far enough away that we were no longer touching and pulled my shield back in. “Let’s try again.”
He nodded, not bothering to close his eyes this time.
