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Sarah runs her hand over my leg. “You’ve both been through a lot. Maybe a little time and space and then an open conversation is what you need.”
Mackie nods her head. “I love you, but you two suck at being honest.”
“Because this shit is scary. I know we’ve both been scared to cross the line. But as evidenced today, it was impossible to avoid. I don’t know what happens now. I’m not sure how to talk to him anymore. We don’t feel like us.” Tears well again, but I quickly wipe them away. “Why did I have to fall in love with him and ruin everything?”
Sarah and Mackie both almost laugh.
“You didn’tjustfall in love with him. You’vebeenin love with him. And even though he’s been a stupid jackass at times, he’sbeenin love with you. You both finally allowed your hearts to feel it. You might not want to hear it, but I don’t think this is over. I don’t think you and A willeverbe over,” Mackie says. Her voice is strong. It’s clear she believes it. And maybe that’s part of why it hurts so much, because I think I still do, too.
I manage a weak smile. “So, what you’re saying is, youshipus?”
She laughs out loud, then grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. “I told you I would.”
As if Aaron heard this entire conversation, my phone rings.
Looking at it, I toss it on the bed in front of me. “I’m not ready yet. I—I’ll say something I regret. I don’t want to fuck us up more.”
Sarah grabs my phone and answers. “Hey, A. It’s Sarah. Look, I know why you’re calling, but she doesn’t want to talk right now. You need to respect that.”
Sarah listens for a minute.
“Give her time. Please.”
She listens again.
“Okay. I’ll try. Bye.”
She hangs up and looks at me. “He wanted me to tell you—”
I shake my head. “I’m sure there’s lots he wants to say, but I need to hear it from him, not you. I waited for three months while he dated Caity. He can wait a day or two.”
Mackie smiles at that. “I think that’s more than fair.” She gets up, locks the window, closes the curtain, and sits back down. “Let’s order food and binge-watch some shows. Sound good?”
I pull the blanket over the three of us. “Sounds perfect.”
After several hours of bingeing shows and food, I decided I needed some time alone. Which has primarily consisted of taking a long, hot shower, and then turning onBurn Notice.Because there’s nothing like spies and government conspiracies to make you forget your own problems.
When I hear tapping against my window, I bristle. I’m still not ready for a conversation with Aaron. My phone vibrates with a text.
Miles: It’s me.
I smile softly, pull the curtain open, and unlock the window. He climbs through, holding a bag of food from Marion’s.
He slides off his shoes and coat and plops down next to me, handing me the bag.
“Grilled cheese and chicken soup. Food to heal the soul,” he says gently.
I take it and set it in my lap, pulling it open and inhaling the comforting smell of the grilled cheese. Then, of course, I get tears in my eyes, because why wouldn’t I?
Miles wraps an arm around me and pulls me close to him. We sit in silence for a few minutes.
“Eventful day,” he finally says.
“How is he?” I ask.
Miles shakes his head. “No. How are you?”
“Hurt, pissed, wanting him to be here to comfort me, pissed again that I want him, wanting to just forgive him and have it be over with, but wanting him to understand he fucked up.”
