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Beautiful: …IDK. I was upset when I asked Trev to switch. Maybe… we could talk after class.
My eyebrows shoot up, staring at that text. Wasn’t expecting that.
Me: I’d like that.
Beautiful: Okay then.
As the teacher starts the lesson, I put my phone away, surprised but hopeful.
After class, Rae and I slowly walk toward the door together.
Once we’re in the hall, she leans against the wall and glances at me. “How… are you?”
“Pretty shitty, honestly. All day I’ve wanted…” I trail off as her gaze lands on something behind me.
I turn to see Caity walking toward us and waving.
Spinning back toward Rae, I see tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I can’tkeepdoing this. Being vulnerable with you… every time I end up hurting more. I—”
“Rae, it’s nothing.”
“It didn’t look like nothing when you were hugging her for five straight minutes earlier.”
Fuck, of course she saw that. The universe hates me today.
“You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I’m not yours. So, you’re going to have to figure out how to be okay without me. Go talk to your ex-girlfriend. Or whatever the hell she is. I’m done.”
Then I watch her walk away, wondering if she’s ever going to let me back in.
Practice was long. My hand hurts. I’m exhausted emotionally. And my mind is on one thing: Rae.
After showering and eating dinner, I finally allow myself to check my texts. Before practice started, I sent one to Rae.
Me: I know how it looked with Caity today, but there’s nothing going on. So much has happened this year, and I don’t want to lose our friendship. Please text me back. Talk to me. Let me in. Tell me we can fix this. I need you. I don’t want it to be this way.
I stare at the text. And then the little words below it indicating that she read it hours ago but didn’t respond.
How did things get this bad? What the hell do I do now? How do I break through the walls if she won’t let me anywhere near them?
Lying back on my bed, I grab a pillow and hold it tightly, trying to keep my emotions in check. I’m crashing. Everything is fucked up, and I need her.
Is this what it’s going to be like from now on? Both of us miserable and ignoring each other?
It can’t go like this. It can’t.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’ve got to figure out how to get her to talk to me again, how to fix this. Because I refuse to lose the girl I love—my best friend—simply because she’s hurting. I’m hurting, too, but I’m not giving up.
Just like I told Sarah at that stupid fucking party.
I could never give up on Rae.
And I never will.
Chapter twelve
Happy Freaking Birthday
