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Rae
I’m lying on the couch in Joel’s basement, in the same spot where I usually sleep next to Aaron, in the fetal position, crying hysterically.
I have no idea how long I’ve been crying when I hear a voice say, “Rae Rae?” and then, “Oh shit, are you okay?” I feel a warm hand on my back and roll over to see Jesse staring at me with concern.
Oh great.
I shake my head. I’m a complete mess. I might as well lean into it.
He pulls me up to sitting and sits down on the footrest, our knees touching. He takes my hands in his.
“Is this about A?” he asks. “Joel filled me in. And I saw him dancing with her. He’s being a real prick tonight.”
I laugh bitterly. “That’s a word for it.”
He narrows his eyes on me. “This isn’t only about him. I know you, Rae. Heartbroken or not, you’re not the one to cry hysterically on a couch at a party. Maybe alone in your room. Maybe in someone else’s arms. Not here at a party. What else is going on? Joel told me you don’t have a prom date, either? Why? Are you waiting on Aaron?”
I sigh. Because Jesse is right. It’s not like Aaron is the only thing hurting my heart. I don’t have a prom date because I still don’t feel comfortable going with someone random. I’m working through all of it, but I’m not there yet. I’ve been going to the support group and the peer support program helps too, but the wounds from what happened last year still haven’t fully healed. Some days they feel freshly ripped open, especially when something else is already hurting me.
“A part of me is hoping Aaron and I will fix things. No matter how stupid that seems right now. Either way, there’s no one else I want to go with,” I sort of lie.
He narrows his eyes at me. “You are surrounded by hot baseball boys and there’s no one you want to go to prom with? Even as friends?”
“Nope,” I say, trying to be convincing as I remember how my date with Matt ended.
He shakes his head. “You aren’t telling me something.”
“Jesse, please leave it, okay?”
“No. You’re one of my best friends, Rae. You are. I know when we were younger you were my annoying little brother’s friend, and I was his obnoxious older brother, but we’re older now, and I hope you know I consider you a close friend. Be honest with me.”
I can’t help it. I start crying again. Because I haven’t said this to anyone else besides my parents and that detective. I’m still not even sure I can. But I know I can trust Jesse.
“Thanks, J. And for what it’s worth, you’re my friend too,” I say through tears. “And—” I bite my lip, unsure whether I can bring myself to say it.
“What’s going on, Rae?”
I let out a shuddery breath. “Um, last June at a party, I was…” I shake my head. I can’t do it. I don’t want to say it.
He rests his forearms on top of mine, his hands squeezing around my elbows. He lets his head dip in toward mine and looks at me seriously. “What happened?”
“I was… a guy almost… raped me.” I barely get it out before I start sobbing hysterically.
He pulls me tightly against him. “Oh shit,” he mutters. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
I nod against his chest, then try to say, “I know. It’s just been a hard year,” but it comes out all muffled.
“Clearly. And no wonder it’s hurting you even more that Aaron is acting like this. I take it he knows.”
I nod, pulling back slightly so I can look at him. “Yeah. Plus… he’s the only person I’ve kissed since then. Some days I still don’t feel like my body is my own, but I always felt safe with him.”
“Shit. Who else knows?”
“We recently told the parents, but otherwise, only the five of them. They were all there. Miles was the only one in the room and this guy—”
“Who was it?” he asks through gritted teeth, fists clenching.
“Jesse…”
