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“Will you tell us what happened?” Sarah asks.
Why not? It’s already on loop in my brain, anyway.
I relay the story to her and Mackie, stopping a few times to keep myself from crying again.Again.
“Thank God you called the cops,” Sarah says to Mackie.
“That was you?” I ask.
“Yeah. I wasn’t gonna let him get away with that shit. Even if we got you out of there, the party would still get shut down, so he couldn’t try that with anyone else.”
“Based on those guys at the door, it seems like they had a well-oiled system,” Sarah says. Then she looks at me and says gently, “Do you think you want to press charges?”
Fuck. I hadn’t thought about that.No. I don’t. I don’t want to tell anyone else. I don’t want him to get away with it, but… he had two guys there guarding that door, doesn’t matter what my friends saw, he’d get those guys to lie for him. And let’s face it, most people side with guys. Terrible women are out trying to ruin the rest of their lives. In reality, they’ve ruined ours and want to get away without consequences. Could I report him? Sure. Would it matter? Probably not. Could I handle it? Not even a little bit.
“No,” I begin, “I don’t. Because—God, I hate that this is the world for us—he didn’t doenoughto do anything about it. And I’m grateful for that and for you guys saving my ass. I have no idea if he’s done this to anyone else or anything…” I pause, shaking my head. “But just me,justthis? No. It’s not worth the hell I’d go through.”
Or having more people know. That sounds awful. How am I going to tell my parents? Am I? Should I? I don’t want to. I can barely handle the look in my friends’ eyes. I can’t imagine what it would be like to tell them. Actually, I can and it would be terrible. I think it might crush me.
“I guess I get that,” Sarah says. “I just feel like he should pay for this.”
“I mean, there are other ways,” Mackie offers.
“Yes, we could kill him.”
“Not. That.”
They banter back and forth, but I’m lost in my own thoughts. I wonder if anyone else from school saw what was happening. Do other people know he dragged me to that room? Will people be talking about this? The thought of me being—being… well, whatever it was being talked about makes me want to throw up.
When I tune back in to Sarah and Mackie, I hear, “No, I meant she could sue him. That’s private, not public, in the manner of courts, at least. And suing people always scares the hell out of them. You could get some money out of it,” Mackie says, turning to me.
“And here I thought Miles was the businessman,” I say.
Miles.
I haven’t seen him since we got back. I look around. Squinting, I see him on the back deck by the fire pit. “I’m not going to sue him. I don’t want his money. I don’t want anyone else to know about this. I… I want it to go away. I want to move on from it.”
Sarah and Mackie look at me, concerned.
“If someone else… I’d say something if I had to. But otherwise, this stays between us. I can’t deal with anyone else knowing.”
They both nod.
“We’ll do whatever you want,” Sarah says.
I stand up and grab my mug from the table. “I’ll be back,” I say, and head for the back door.
Miles is sitting alone, staring at the fire.
“Hey there,” I say, announcing my presence so I won’t scare him.
He looks up, eyes wide and filled with hurt. “Hi.”
“Didn’t feel like joining the party inside?” I try to be playful, but it falls flat.
He takes a swig of his beer and shakes his head. “No. I… I’m sorry, Rae.”
My brow furrows. “You’re sorry? Why?” I sit down next to him as he stares into the fire.
