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Ace: No. I’m fine. Need to focus on studying right now. I’ll talk to you later, okay?
Sometimes I really hate texting, because something about that response feels off. But maybe I’m reading too much into it.
Me: Okay. Love you.
No response.
Or maybe I’m not.
Whatever. I push the concerns out of my mind and head to dinner with Sarah and Mackie. We spend two hours eating dinner, walking around campus, and chatting.
I grabbed Aaron a couple of slices of pizza and am headed to his room. I’m not some needy girl who needs to hang out with him all the time. I figure if he’s in his room, I’ll leave it on the kitchenette counter and send him a text. We all need time to ourselves, and I respect that. I just know he gets so absorbed in things sometimes that he doesn’t eat.
I knock lightly before walking in. Aaron is on the couch, studying. And grumbling to himself.
“Hey,” I say. And he jumps. “Sorry. I brought you pizza. You look busy, so I can just—”
“It’s fine,” he says gruffly. He tosses his book onto the table and stands up. He stretches and his shirt lifts up and I see that sexy stomach. And his arms.
Whew, cool it. That’s not why we’re here.
He looks worn out and frustrated as he makes his way toward me. He softly kisses the side of my head before going to the pizza. I watch him and find myself biting my lip. I never thought the wordsare you okay?would feel so uncomfortable to say, but lately, with him, they do.
“Everything all right?” I force myself to ask. “You look stressed.”
“This stupid fucking literature class. Well, one of them. The teacher has no idea what she’s actually teaching. I swear she’s making it up as she goes along. Most of the class failed the test because it made no sense. To make it up to us, she’s giving us the weekend to fix our mistakes and turn it back in.” He paces the tiny kitchenette, shoving his hand through his hair. “It’s still nonsense, though, and it’s taking me forever. I have to finish my part of a group project for the education class I don’t want to be taking. Oh, and I get to hear Tommy and Joel talk all about baseball all day when I can’t participate.” He leans back against the counter, giving a sharp, bitter laugh. “Then Joel acts like it’s my fault. Like, obviously, I want to be on the fucking mound right now. It’s the one thing that relieves my stress and gets my head out of everything else, and I can’t even have that anymore.”
He launches off the counter and grabs the pizza.
I blink at him as he shoves half the slice in his mouth. And guilt washes over me. I know I shouldn’t feel like it’s my fault about his hand. But I still have so many regrets from that night. If I’d left with him, we wouldn’t have ended up in that position.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly, barely realizing the words are out of my mouth until I see his face.
“For what?” he asks, pushing off the counter with an excessively annoyed look on his face.
“For, uh—”
“My hand?” He asks, anger flowing in his voice.
“I, well—yes—” I stammer before he quickly cuts me off.
“Well, don’t be.”
“But, Ace.”
“Don’t!” He yells. “Stop taking on my pain! It’s not fair to me.”
“Wha—what? I’m not trying to—”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t choose that for yourself. But I chose to go in there swinging my fists. I chose to hit him as hard as I did. And I chose not to do something about it after the fact. It’s not about you. It never has been, so stop fucking apologizing!”
I stand still as a stone, emotions rising in my throat and tears rushing to my eyes. Aaron has never spoken to me like that. And I have a feeling every emotion I just saw doesn’t even scratch the surface. He won’t talk to me, but I guess he’ll take his anger out on me.
He looks wild and unhinged and everything inside of me hurts. It hurts because I can feel his pain, and it hurts because of how he’s looking at me. Because of how he just talked to me.
“I…” I swallow the urge to apologize again. For upsetting him. Or anything else. I know it’s not my fault. Clearly, he doesn’t want apologies. He doesn’t know what the fuck he wants. Or needs. But I know what he’s going to get. Because I can’t sit here and pretend like it’s okay for him to be this way with me. “I should’ve texted before I stopped by. It’s clear you need some space, so I’ll let you be. Goodnight, Ace. Um, I love you.”
Aaron
