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“Accurate description.” I laugh and shake my head. “This stuff isn’t easy. Gray area relationships filled with maybes and what-ifs.”
“It would be a fuckton easier if we’d fallen for each other.”
I chuckle at that as a memory hits me.
It would be easy.Because it would be meaningless.
I remember thinking that when Aaron and I were fighting around my birthday last year. Not fighting, actually. Angry, hurting, pushing each other away.Sounds familiar.
“It would’ve been easier. But it wouldn’t have made us feel the same way.”
He nods slowly. “Yeah. I guess you’re right about that.” His lips quirk into a smile. “What do you think would’ve happened?” he asks. “If Aaron and Carrie weren’t… our people?”
I bite my lip and smile. “We probably would’ve dated. Hell, maybe even gotten married.”
His eyes go wide. “You think so?”
“Yep. And then gotten divorced by thirty-five.”
He laughs loudly. “Yeah, that sounds exactly right.” He thinks it over for a minute. “Well, if we still haven’t figured our relationships out by the time we’re thirty-five—”
I grimace, so he rolls his eyes and backtracks. “Fine, by the time you’re thirty. Then we get married, have a few kids. Then, by your math, we’ll get to almost fifty before we get divorced.”
We both start laughing.
“Sounds like the perfect plan.” I hold my fist up to him. “Here’s to us.”
He bumps it against mine and we watch the sunrise in silence for a while.
“Is it stupid for me to still have hope for forever with her?” Jesse asks solemnly.
I turn to look at him. “Do you think it’s stupid for me to hope for that with Aaron?”
He vehemently shakes his head. “No. But you and A are different. What you have is…”
“Right. But, J, that doesn’t mean that what you have isn’t as deep or as beautiful or as utterly fucking complicated.”
He laughs lightly. “True, I guess. But lately… I don’t know. It feels like I’m crushing my own heart to believe in it. What if I was just a pit stop on her way to forever with her ex?”
I stare at him with raised eyebrows. “I don’t think you really believe that. But, even if that were the truth, then that meanssheisn’t your forever, not that you wouldn’t find one. For the record, Jesse, I think she’s the right person for you. I think she’ll come around. We all have our shit to work through.” I say it like I have it all figured out. Even though I have nothing figured out. Absolutely fuck-all nothing.
“So you still have hope for you and Aaron?”
Staring at the sunrise, my voice fills with emotion. “Always. It’s not easy right now, but I have to. Aaron and I are so entwined it’s impossible not to believe in it. Plus, I grew up with my parents and grandparents, two couples who have shown me what it means to choose each other and love each other.”
“Then you believe it’s possible to have forever with anyone?”
I look at him in surprise and see the fear in his eyes.
“You don’t?”
He shrugs, but his eyes remain intense. “I mean, my parents are still together, but they aren’t crazy in love. Most of my family has been through at least one divorce. That and everything happening with Carrie makes me wonder if everything has an expiration date.”
I reach down and gently squeeze his hand. “You know how I know forever exists? This, right here. Our friendship. My friendship with your brother and Mackie and Miles. What Sarah and I have. Even Aaron. I know that no matter what, we’ll always be there for each other. This is forever, J. You’re never shaking me.”
He smiles at me. “Never shaking me either.”
We lean back against the chair as the sun creeps higher in the sky.
