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“Nothing,” I say unconvincingly.
“Clearly.”
“Aaron, look, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“No.”
“No?” I sass, my eyes going wide. “You don’t get to decide.”
“You’re my person, Rae. If you’re upset, that matters. And we… need to talk, anyway.”
Anger and hurt course through me. Sure,nowhe wants to talk. “Well, I don’t wanna talk about this with you.” I push down tears I’m sure are going to make their way out because I know he won’t let this go.
Yep. Meltdown incoming.
He blinks at me. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t.”
“Why, Rae?”
“Why do you have to know?” I yell.
He steps in toward me, his hand coming to my cheek, where tears are trickling down. “Because you’re crying.”
I almost let myself melt into it. Almost give in to the comfort and the safety I crave every time he’s around me. But then the dream comes rushing back. Along with more pain and twitchy, nervous anger. The kind that makes me want to run. I push him away and take a step backward.
“Why does that matter to you? And why can’t you freaking respect it when I say I don’t want to talk?”
He’s trying to figure it out. Trying to understand why I’m so angry. But at this point, that’s inexplicable, anyway.
He blinks at me a few times. Then his jaw tightens and his eyes fill with resolve. “Because I love you. I’m not walking away from you. Tell me where this is coming from.”
“You really want to know?” I ask bitterly. Warning bells go off.I shouldn’t be doing this now.My heart and my brain are yelling at each other. As usual, my mouth goes rogue. “Fine. I had a dream about you this morning. In any other situation, it would’ve been the perfect dream. Because we were kissing. And you were holding me in your arms.” He inhales and closes his eyes as realization hits. “And then you looked into my eyes and you told me how happy you were that we were finallyback together.” Anger fills my voice as I continue. “Then I woke up and had to go through the crushing heartache of not being with you all over again! So forgive me if I’m not in the mood to talk toyouright now. Now you know. Can you please just go?”
Tears pour from my eyes as we stare at each other.
Thisis why I didn’t want to do this now.
His eyes roll over my face, moving rapidly. Then he steps in close again, gazing at me lovingly as he brings his hand to my cheek. “What if I want that dream to be true?”
My heart stops. I can’t breathe. No air. Nothing.
He… he’s ready for us?
Is this really happening?
Finally sucking in a breath and getting some oxygen to my brain cells, I mutter, “Wha—what do you mean?” My eyes search his, looking for the truth.
He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. When he opens them again, they’re glassy and filled with emotion. “I mean, I’m ready for us, Rae. I want us… again.”
Oh my god. It’s happening. This is not a drill.
“How—how long have you felt this way?” I ask, my hands coming to his chest as I look up at his sweet face. That moment on the deck a couple of weeks ago rushes back to me. Maybe he was going to kiss me then because he knew he was finally ready.
My heart is still pounding as I focus on him. That’s when I see the uncertainty in his eyes and an unsettling feeling twists in my gut.
“A while,” he mumbles, looking down, and the gnawing in my stomach grows.
