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Stepping back, fire burns inside me as I look at him—and not the warm, cozy, roast marshmallows kind. It’s a burn it all to hell, devastating sort of fire. “How long is ‘a while’?”
Please don’t say before I slept with Jesse.
His eyes flit closed again, then he says, “A couple of months.”
Months.Months?!
Then I remember something else. The look in his eyes when I told him to turn off our playlist. When he couldn’t say how long it would take until he was ready. When he looked hurt that I pulled away.
“Before or after our anniversary?”
“Rae—”
“Before. Or. After?”
“I wasn’t one hundred percent sure on our anniversary, but it’s part of why I wanted to spend it together. I was trying to… figure it all out.”
I take those words like a knife to the gut.
I poured my heart out that night. I put it all on the line. I was ready to fight. Ready to heal. Ready to dosomething. I was honest with him! And just like always, he wasn’t honest with me.
“Every time,” I mutter. “Every single goddamn time I open myself up to you, you do this. You let me down. You break me! Dating Caity. When you broke up with her. The mess of a situation after the snow day. When you fucking broke up with me! Now here we are again.”
My body heaves and he steps toward me, but I put my hands up.
We shouldn’t be like this. Cute text messages are all well and good, butthisis reality. How can we possibly be right for each other—bemeant to be—if it always ends up like this?
I can’t do this anymore.
I just want this to be over.
Aaron
Shit.This is not how I wanted this to go. But when does it ever go like I want it to? Why can’t it be like all those romances she’s obsessed with? Fall into each other’s arms and live happily ever after? Oh, right, because those are all fairytales. And bullshit.
I look at her face. Her cheeks are wet with tears. Her hazel eyes are the golden color they always turn when she cries. I will always hate seeing her cry. But I’m angry and hurt, too. Because she can’t just trust me.
“I’m sorry. I was trying to… do the right thing. I wanted to be sure… I didn’t want to act on it unless I was.”
She shakes her head. “But I put it all on the line. Why couldn’t you have been honest with me? Or at least tell me once you finally figured it out?”
Pissed off, I bite back, “Because by then you were screwing Jesse!”
She stares at me, mouth agape. Her eyes flare and more fire rages in them.Fuck. “Well, that sounds about damn right.”
“What does?”
“You not telling me how you feel, then acting impulsively when you realize you don’t have me, even though it’s your own fault. That’s pretty on-brand for you, Aaron.”
“Says the girl who runs to Jesse every time something is off with us.”
“Screw you! I didn’t run to Jesse! It was one time! We made a bad decision because we were both hurting. You said you forgave me. I can’t believe you, of all people, would throw that back in my face now. Not to mention that I never would’ve been with him if you’d told me the truth! You always hide your heart from me!”
“And you don’t hide yours?” I throw my hands up in exasperation.
Why the hell does it have to be like this?
“Why wouldn’t I at this point? All you do is break it! I give you my heart, expecting you to protect it, and you never do.” She sighs and shakes her head. “It shouldn’t be like this.Weshouldn’t be like this. Maybe we never should’ve dated. We should’ve stayed friends. It would’ve been hard, but at least we’d still besomething. Now we’re nothing.”
