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He looks over at the picture I was staring at, then clears his throat.
“Aaron, I’m sorry.”
My eyes widen as I look at him. His eyes are serious, his lips pulled into a frown.
“I’m sorry for sleeping with Rae. Regardless of where either of our heads were at, being your friend and knowing what she means to you, I never should have done that. It was one stupid night that meant nothing, until the next morning when it fucked up everything.” He shakes his head and sighs.
I nod slowly. “Thank you. Can I—was it really just one time?”
His eyes widen. “Yeah. Why? Oh shit, is that why you looked like you wanted to kill me the other morning? I just fell asleep watching a movie. I woke up to a line of pillows dividing me and an empty bed. What’s going on?”
Leaning against the counter, I run a hand through my hair. “We got in a fight earlier and I threw you guys hooking up in her face.”
His jaw ticks. “Congrats, you’re the asshole again.”
“Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have said it, okay? But she was pissed at me. I told her I was finally ready to be with her. At first she looked happy, then she asked when I realized, and I didn’t want to lie. She was hurt when she found out I didn’t tell her as soon as I was sure.”
“Why didn’t you?” Joel’s voice comes from the hall. He walks into the kitchen followed by Miles, and based on the relaxed look on his face, he must not have heard what else Jesse and I were saying.
Sputtering for the right words, I finally say, “Doesn’t matter. I thought she wasn’t ready, that she was figuring things out and needed space. I was wrong. She was mad at me this morning and hurting.” I glance at Miles.
“She told you about the dream?”
I nod. “Yeah. So, I told her I was ready. She got pissed. We both said shit. Then… she told me she was done. She’s giving up on us. Said she isn’t going to Charleston.”
“Bullshit,” Miles says. “She’ll go.”
“That’s what Sarah said, too.”
“Sarah will make her.”
My heart feels like it’s in a vice. “I hope so. But I’m still not sure it’ll be enough. I was—I was going to tell her on the trip that I was ready. I wanted to make it romantic and official. God, I’m such an idiot. I should’ve told her the second I knew.”
Joel puts his hand on my shoulder. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that she isn’t giving up. She never will. You guys aren’t over. It doesn’t work that way. You guys ending up together is a certainty.” Then he smiles a mischievous smile. “Death. Taxes. Aaron and Rae.”
I manage a weak smile, but my heart still hurts.
“He’s right,” Jesse says. “It’s always been the two of you. Don’t give up now. Now is the time you have to fight harder than ever. Ninth inning, close this shit out.”
“I’ll bet you a hundred bucks you’ll be together by the end of the week in Charleston,” Miles says with a grin.
I roll my eyes. “I’m not betting you a hundred bucks.”
He leans in and looks me in the eyes. “Because you know you’ll lose.” He pokes my chest. “Deep in there, you know it’s gonna work out.”
I let out a sigh. The support feels good, especially given how bad things were at the beginning of the year. I have to fix this. Ihaveto. I love her. We’re both hot messes, but I will love her through every mess, through every challenge, througheverything. I’m in this time. I’m all the way in.
I relax and have dinner with the guys, but head home early since we have to be up before dawn tomorrow.
After a shower, I collapse on my bed, thinking through everything that happened today. How has it been only a few hours since our fight? The emptiness between us makes it feel like days.
I pick up my phone and set it back down a few times.
Fuck it,I think. I grab it and unlock it this time. My finger hovers over my messaging app, but instead of clicking it, I open my pictures. I scroll to the album of Rae and me. I started it after her birthday last year, before we were technically dating. I have pictures going back as far as sophomore year, as well as a few old photos from childhood that I took pictures of.
Starting at the beginning of the album, I scroll through. The first picture I stop at was from Valentine’s Day the year we fake dated. I’m giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek as she laughs. I will never forget standing in my room with her that night. Every fiber of my being wanted to kiss her like she was all mine. I wanted her in every way. Did I say anything? No.
I keep going and stop again at a selfie of us in the hospital after she had that cyst removed. I was trying to get her to laugh. She’s somewhere between laughing and crying in the photo, but I remember she was laughing after I snapped them all. I was with Marisol. She was with Davey. Yet all I wanted was to be there for her. All she wanted was me. Were we honest with each other? No.
