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“Oh dear,” Gram says. “What’s wrong, honey?”
I give them each a kiss on the cheek.
“Everything is a mess.” I shake my head as I sit down in a chair across from them. “Aaron and I are a mess.”
“Ah, now that sounds about right.” Grandpa gives me a knowing smile. “Well, come on, tell us all about it.”
I heave a sigh and let it all out, skirting around the intimate details of Jesse and me.
“I don’t know what to do now,” I say sadly. “He said he wanted us and I was so hurt and angry…” I trail off, shaking my head. “There’s still so much there. So much messed up. And I’m afraid to risk my heart for him again. Because if he crushes it again, I don’t know what I’d do. I love him. I love him so much, and I’m so scared.”
Grandma reaches out and takes my hand. “You should tell him that, then. Hiding your heart is never going to help.”
I let out a shaky exhale. “I know that somewhere in my heart, but my brain keeps reminding me of all the times we’ve fallen apart and hurt each other.”
Gram smiles softly at me. “Your brain can be a wise and wonderful thing, but it’s there to protect us, to see the inherent dangers in the world. You can’t love with your brain or you’ll never really love at all. You have to love with your heart. Let it lead, and you’ll always end up right where you’re supposed to be.”
I’m supposed to be with Aaron, I think.
Grandpa’s eyes meet mine like he’s reading my mind. He gives me a little nod.
I know Aaron is the right person for me. He always has been. He always will be. But I’m so tired of hurting. It’s easier to give into fear and hide out than it is to be bold and take a chance. Taking chances with Aaron has always felt like the most terrifying thing I could do.
“He loves you, girly. He always has. You love him. That alone makes it worth it.”
“What if I’m not ready yet?” I ask.
“I don’t think anyone is ever completely ready.” Grandma says gently. “Love is the ultimate leap of faith. You have to decide whether you trust the person you’re leaping with not to let go.”
I inhale sharply as she says that. Because that’s the thing that’s holding me back. I’m afraid we’ll let each other go again.
Grandpa taps his thumb on his chair. “You’re never gonna fix things by pussy-footing around.”
“Grandpa.”
“No, you listen to me, girly. Timing doesn’t matter. Questions and fears don’t matter. All the bullshit and drama doesn’t matter. What matters is if you love each other and you’re willing to spend your life fighting for that. If you are, then you have to put your money where your mouth is. Stand up and put your heart on the line. And if you’re not, well then you might as well give up right now, because you’ll never get anything you want if you don’t put in the work and the fight.”
I swallow hard and nod.He knows me too damn well.
He reaches out and squeezes my hand while smiling softly. I bite my lip as I smile sadly at him.
I have got to figure my shit out. I need to woman up and grow some damn ovaries.
I take a deep breath. I want to fight for us, even if I have no idea how to do it.
I’m going to Charleston. And I’m going toput my heart—and all of me—on the line.
Aaron
I wander through Joel’s back door. I know Sarah was trying to make me feel better, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that… we could really be done. I know Rae has said it before. But that was always in anger. This was in defeat. In heartbreak.
What the fuck was I thinking? Hiding things from her? Then expecting it to be fine when I dropped it all on her? When she was already hurting? I’m an idiot.
I pause at the fridge and find myself staring at a picture of the six of us from prom. We’re all supposed to be looking at the camera, but Rae and I only have eyes for each other.
“Hey,” Jesse says, stepping into the kitchen.
I turn and glare at him—I’m not sure I’m capable of much else, besides giving him another black eye, but I know that’s a bad idea.
