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She nods and wipes at her face. “I’ll be fine. Just a lot of pent-up emotions.”
I look in her eyes and see the distance between us. Still, I pull her back into my arms. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
She softens and squeezes me back. “Of course. But can we please get out of the bathroom? This is starting to feel weird, and I’m hungry for those tacos.”
I give her one last squeeze and lead her out to the couch.
When we sit down, she snuggles against me, but I can still feel the disconnection. I find myself running my hand up and down the side of her leg. The physical often helps break down those walls with her. She responds to my touch, to physically feeling our connection.
She moves in closer and slides her hand up into my hair. Then she leans up and kisses my neck. I pause the movie and turn to her, pressing my lips into hers. They part immediately and her tongue slides into my mouth. There’s no playful wrestling tonight. It’s frantic. It’s full of passion.
I scoop her up and carry her to the bedroom and gently set her on the bed.
I was rough with her last night.
That’s not what I want tonight. I take things slow. I gently undress her and kiss her everywhere. I slide my mouth between her legs and make her feel good that way first. Then, once she’s stripped me down, I ease inside her.
Every movement is slow, deliberate, and filled with emotion. We spend hours moving together, feeling each other, calling out each other’s names.
When we’re finished, she’s practically passed out in bed. I do that thing that I’m pretty sure only guys in the romance books she reads do, and clean her up with a washcloth. She still goes to the bathroom, but the look on her face when I did that was herswooninglook.
She falls asleep fast, but like most nights lately, I can’t get to sleep.
As I stare at the ceiling, misery creeps back in. The emotional connection between us tonight was stronger than ever before. It was intense. But in some ways, it felt sad. Maybe because things haven’t been great between us lately. And that’s my fault. Which makes me more miserable.
Thinking of her crying in the bathroom makes me ache all over again.
Joel’s words cut through my thoughts.You’re going to hurt her.Only I’m notgoing to. Iam.She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves better than how I’ve been lately. More than I can give her.
Those thoughts twist in my gut, taunting me. Though I wish for them not to be, their truth is undeniable.
I can’t give her what she needs right now. If I keep trying, I’ll end up hurting her more.
No.No. No. No. I can’t do this without her.
But is it fair to keep putting her through this?
I close my eyes, willing away the painful thoughts.
I roll over and wrap my arm tightly around her, burying my face in her hair. Even in her sleep, she moves closer to me. I breathe her in and try to pretend I’m okay. I try to pretend everything inside me isn’t shattering.
Chapter four
Burn It to Ash
Rae
Iwakeuptoa pounding heart and tears in my eyes.Great.These fights with Aaron are now infiltrating my dreams. I reach for him and the coldness in my stomach grows.He’s not here.Apparently, that’s the new norm. Incredible sex, then ghosting me the next morning like I’m some girl he randomly screwed.
Forcing out a breath, I get up and get dressed in the clothes I wore last night. Normally, I bring fresh clothes, but with how things happened last night, I wasn’t thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, it was incredible. It was some of the most emotional and intimate sex we’ve ever had. But it also felt almost… heartbreaking.
I walk out into the common room to see Aaron sitting on the couch in a daze. Concern overrides my fear and pushes me forward until I’m standing next to him, running a hand through his hair.
“Ace,” I whisper.
His broken eyes snap to mine, and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me onto his lap.
My lips press softly into his forehead. “Talk to me.” My voice is quiet and high, filled with emotion. I’m pleading, begging. He has to let me in.
